JOIN USLooking for a cobbler? There is a ‘Footwear shap’ near my house for ‘show work.’ If you have raddi at home the ‘Murugan hole sale paper mart’ will buy it. Looking for a house? You can live in ‘Nanjundeshwara Champagne Palace’. Hungry kya? This hotel serves ‘delicious food multi cushion.’
These are some of the gems from my collection of Indian English (or Inglish. English is queen’s—videshi. Inglish is our own —swadeshi.) The other day I saw this announcement—‘The school leaves at 10’—at the newly opened nursery near my house.
But it was not headed anywhere. It was simply the nursery’s way of telling the parents, in Inglish, of course, that the day’s session ends at 10. The wards had got the message and only I was worried about the grammar.
Talking of children, a huge hoarding on Sankey Road in the city boldly proclaims: “Children think differently. So we grow their potential uniquely.” Ah! I thought we grew only plants. Here is someone who can grow kids’ potential. But what they wanted to convey was that they could help in the growth of children’s potential. In Inglish, grammar takes a backseat.
The BMTC might be ahead in profits but some of their depot managers lag behind in English. If not passengers like me would not have been warned thus: ‘By tickets to avaoid penalty’. Waiting for a bus I chanced across a pickup van with a board that proclaimed ‘We undertake all items.’ Its Kannada version, written underneath, that helped me to understand the Inglish version. It simply meant that it will buy any item! You must have read this too: ‘Don’t urinate; it will be punished’. What is this ‘it’ that will get the punishment? My guess is as bad as yours. Sorry.
‘Only paracal service’ at the bar means that you have to take the bottle home and cannot drink there. Every drinker has understood it, only I am grumbling – not at the restriction but at the wording. Want to visit a ‘compleat bangales’ stores? Then LKM Bangales is the store for you. It also urges people to ‘keep city cleane’.
Maharani Collage means no collection of art works of some maharani but merely an indication of direction to the Maharani College as given by the traffic police. ‘Bill sticks will be prosecuted’ warns a writing on the wall. Another wall says: ‘Nuisence strickely prohibited’. Yet another wall pleads – ‘Don’t put garbags here’. Bags with garbage are garbags? Inglish has a new word! Does ‘Plumbing work will be done here’ means you will have take the leaking tap there? And what is meant by ‘Baby care done here’?
Are you lean? There is a board for you too - ‘Put weight on your body 100 pc guarant’. ‘Tank drinking water vehicular stainless steel’ is military’s mite to Inglish vocabulary. And hardwar has nothing to do with Hardwar in UP nor any hard war but it’s actually hardware. ‘Road winding work under progress’ does not mean the road is being wound up but it’s actually road widening. Maybe I am confused but this ‘woner’ surely knows he is the owner.