Love from afar

Distance matters

In touch: Youngsters in long-distance relationships should make an effort to remain connected.  (for illustration purpose only)

Metrolife interacts with a few Bangaloreans to find out about these relationships, and what couples expect out of them. Juhi, a business management student, has been in a long-distance relationship for the last four years. She met her current boyfriend when she was studying for her undergraduate degree, and has since moved to Bangalore to pursue an MBA.

“When we started dating, we never assumed we’d be doing a long-distance. When I realised I’d be coming here, we thought we’d manage by talking on the phone and meeting up whenever possible,” she says.

This, however, wasn’t easy. Juhi describes, “I have a hectic schedule, and our timings were completely different. We faced a lot of difficulty for the first six months, but we managed. It’s been two years of long-distance dating now.”

According to Juhi, it’s very important for couples who are dating long-distance to find a balance between their own lives and the relationship. “It’s critical to give your partner space, and understand his or her priorities and commitments. But at the same time, couples should try and remain connected in whatever way possible. If I ever get a five minute break, I call up my boyfriend and we try and meet as frequently as possible,” she says.

Sushil Unni, a relationship counsellor, explains that more Bangaloreans are taking to long-distance relationships because they don’t want to choose between their personal and professional lives. “I’ve been getting many more couples doing this. They’re mostly young professionals, who give priority to their career and end up establishing themselves in different cities or countries,” he explains.

He believes that the main problem that such couples face is in terms of communication.  “There are certain prescribed roles in a relationship, and when it’s long distance, many of these are possible only in spirit. In the case of married couples, women are generally left to handle the family and this pressurises them and makes them feel alone,” he says, adding, “there also begins to develop an emotional gap between the partners, and it’s possible for one spouse to turn to someone else for emotional comfort.”

Not everyone believes that long-distance relationships make sense, and Gauri, a design student, is one of them. “These relationships never work; it’s very unpractical. Today’s youngsters generally believe in the concept of  ‘out of sight, out of mind’,” she says.

Many of her friends are dating long-distance, and she quotes their example, saying, “These couples are barely together for a month, and they end up suffering a lot. They keep fighting, and because they’re always on the phone or internet. They don’t have lives of their own.”

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