Love from afar

It seemed that we loved each other better when there were large swaths of 2 continents between us. The daily work of love was often hard to perform at home.

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These words by Aleksandar Hemon, in his book ‘The Lazarus Project’, may seem depressing but it’s something that at least some of us can relate to. In today’s frenzied world of deadlines, long hours and peer pressure, maintaining a relationship is not an easy task.

You may not always be able to meet your partner when they want. Calls may be missed and messages may not be returned. And to this chaotic equation, add a distance of a couple of thousand miles.

Enter long distance relationships, a common occurrence in today’s age.
Says Farhan Sharf, “Living in different time zones is an important catalyst in distancing partners. I know people in long distance relationships and I have realised that there are very few chances of it working out. Serious problems crop up due to miscommunication.”

Parvathy Kottol agrees. “I was in a relationship with a boy for almost 6 years. When we both went abroad, in my case for higher studies and in his case for a job, distance was our uninvited guest. At first our love had the same intensity as the distance made us miss each other terribly. But then at one point, I just started loving the gap. I fell in love with my space, my priorities and my life which had taken a backseat earlier. It made me realise how weak our relationship was and the number of years we had been together didn’t matter anymore.”

It is true that compared to relationships where people live in the same place, long distance relationships are more prone to failure, says Kala Balasubramanian, relationship counsellor at Inner Dawn counselling and training services. “Three factors come into play in a long distance relationship — communication, trust and intimacy. The 2 parties should be on the same page about what is acceptable and what is not. What happens is that couples, especially married ones, initially miss each other but then subsequently get used to the idea of being on their own. So when they meet again, there is no emotional connect.”

It is said that when in a long distance relationships, it is important to have a social life in your own city and have your own circle of friends.

It will keep you busy and in a positive frame of mind. Building new friendships also boosts confidence, which can enhance your relationship. “But you should not be so lost in your new world, that you forget to keep in touch,” says Kala. “Try to ensure there is daily communication. In this era of internet, there's no excuse to not talk.While communicating, it is important that you express your love and affection for the other party and reiterate your commitment to the relationship, rather than just talking about how your day was.”

It not impossible, says Abhishek Titus, a businessman.“I believe that any relationship just needs a bit of effort from both sides to make it work. If two people are actually in love, then even a long distance relationships is a piece of cake. All you need is commitment to see it through till the end.”