Dysfunctional relationship

estrangement

“She has 400 friends in social networking sites, but none in real life,” said a friend of mine when talking about an acquaintance. 

I thought she was exaggerating but the spate of recent news in various papers and channels have made me feel that we are becoming more and more dysfunctional in real lives,
The gruesome murder of a teacher by a mere 14-year-old goes on to prove my point.  Many of the people who know the boy feel that he was ‘reserved and kept to himself’ and ‘went out only with his mother!”.   The very fact that he did not have a healthy social life of an adolescent and that he had not many friends goes on to prove that there was something dysfunctional about him.

People not only avoid interacting with people in their neighbourhood but even take pride in not knowing one’s neighbours.  One of the parents even went to the extent of saying that I am planning to shift because the children here are not the right companions for my kids!  I am not sure if that is a healthy stand to take. Disliking one or two is okay but to not like the ‘whole world and his wife’ reflects your incapability in social interaction.  When one of my young nieces commented that all the people in her apartment were gossip mongers, I felt that she had to take a deep look at her own behaviour.

I remember that there was a time when we made good friends standing at the bus stops and while travelling by train, but today a majority of them are plugged to ‘life-saving devices’ like mobile, iphones or mp3 and hardly care to give the time of the day to  others. I feel that only Mumbai among all metro cities has a crowd that is friendly to even strangers.

Emotional abuse

According to a report of HelpAge India, the abuse of elders particularly the women seem to be more in Bangalore and they attribute the same to emotional abuse.
 
Dysfunction can take many forms. Whether it is using emotional blackmail, uncontrollable anger or simply holding everyone around us to ransom. A young married girl used the tool of suicide each time her wishes were not met. She went hungry; things were thrown around and just refused to listen to reason. Just a couple of years into marriage, they are separated. Even if the girl changes her attitude and seeks help, the damage to the early married life has been done.

Unfortunately, we hurt and wound those we love best or those whose relationship whose bond needs to be strengthened. Minor children keeping their rendezvous secret from their parents and meeting an untimely death through accident again reflects the lacunae present in our relationship. Be it adults or young the fact remains that relationship needs careful nurturing and has no room for distrust or lack of commitment.