Reaching for the roots

Joint families played a large part in strengthening the bond between relatives.

Relationships had a special place in the fabric of a family those days. Surprising, indeed, that it was not confusing, considering how everyone had large families in accordance with the prevalent belief that children were the real blessings.

The joint family system, which was in vogue for quite a considerable time, played a large part in strengthening the bond between relatives. The pattern was such that the eldest son was also looked at as a father-figure. Hence, he automatically became the head of the family after the patriarch’s demise.

The women of the household also lived amicably, contributing to the solid foundation of the family, content to follow the tenets laid down by the elders. Not being encouraged to voice their opinions or views openly, they resigned to being the husband’s shadow, and were eulogised for it, too.

Gradually, though, silent grievances began to surface, leading to discord, and imperceptibly loosening the framework of the old system with each new generation.But family bonds remained, showing itself on occasions of both joy and grief. Come wedding, and the whole clan would pitch in considering it their boun-den duty. The advice of elders would always be sought and given without any grudge or resentment whatsoever.

I still remember the assemblage of cousins – aye, even to the fourth generation – at my grandfather’s place (he being the elder one) for the annual death ceremonies of our great grandparents. Here, everyone caught up with each other and, even if they did not meet again, took pride in the feeling of ‘belonging’.To them, the family name was an identity.

With exposure to the outside world and social and economic mobility moulding the situation, the solid framework of a family also began to undergo changes. The advent of nuclear families and emigration of the next generations played a vital part in infusing new ideas and imperceptible nuances in making a life of their own. Independent thinking loosened the hold of patriarchy and youngsters began to find their voices. Educated  spouses proved to be a big support.

In short, the individuality of the members began to overshadow the spirit of joint families and resulted in the blossoming of nuclear families. Emigration and inter-caste marriages also led to the branching out of the modern generation.

Practices such as live-in relationships, gay marriages, single motherhood etc have gained widespread acceptance in the society today as well. The word ‘cousin’ has become so ubiquitous that very soon children may raise their eyebrows questioningly at the term ‘brother-sister.’ Will the day come when they may start searching for their roots again?