To be or knot to be

There is nothing wrong in tying the knot early but getting married late holds greater advantages over getting married early, reckons Rupsa Chakraborty.

I am 28-years-old single woman, so what? Is there any age restriction for marriage? Does it mean that I need to sacrifice my dreams and passion for marriage?", questions, Payel, a successful corporate employee. After completing graduation, her parents started searching a groom for her but she panned the speculation from ‘good idea’ to ‘no way’.

Face it. Late marriage is becoming a current trend in India. Payel is not the only girl who has to face the same harsh questions. With the growth of urbanization, rising level of education among women, they prefer to select their passions, dreams, independence and career over marriage. The whole idea of “happily married life” has revolutionized in our evolving society from the past decade.

Gone are the days when a woman would get married in her early 20s, change her surname and happily capitulate to the new geographic move of her husband, which deep down, strangled her happiness. Sacrificing all her dreams, she would take care of her husband and children throughout her life. Todays women are more self-driven and independent, and more focused on their careers. Marriage is no longer a security nest for them. They want to build their careers alongside men to become equal breadwinners.

Urban, independent women have restructured the rough landscape of the rules and regulations of marriage.  Women are setting up their own ‘to-do list’ before getting married, like buying their own house, car, and getting socio-economic stability.
The longer you wait in your life to get married, the more education and wealth you earn that help to provide more stability and satisfaction in your married life,” said Monalisa Dutta, a marriage counselor.

 So, what do women want before they get married? Why do they delay marriage?

Career intricacy

 Every married working woman, at some point in her life has to face some harsh questions, ‘Should I quit my job for my family?', ‘Am I failing to take care of my family due to my strict professional schedule?' The dilemma to balance their career with their family life is a concern for these women. Hence, to avoid these kinds of confusion in the peak time of their career, they prefer to marry late and try to focus more on their professional lives before getting married. “I don’t want to sacrifice my career at the age of 22 like my mother did for her family,” opines Tirtha Chakraborty, an aspirating media student.

Financial stability

Todays women want to contribute to the financial expenditure of the family so they opt to marry late after securing financial stability. Women, nowadays, have higher expectations from their married life. They expect more material well-being in a married life. “I am not saying that I don’t want to get married. But I would want to marry only at the right time, when I will be financially stable. After marriage, I don’t want to depend on my husband like our previous generations,” said Krithika, a 25-years old software engineer.

Question of independence

Some women believe that the best way to make a marriage work is to first establish their own identity and independence. They like to take time to develop their own identities in both profession and personal life before making lifetime commitments. To them, it certainly does make sense to wait before they tie their knot.

Personal growth and maturity

At a younger age a woman fails to identify herself, which restrains her growth as a single full-fledged person. The older she is, the more chance she has to know who she is and what she wants in life. Maturity is considered the most inevitable pillar of any long lasting relationship and especially in marriage. One can’t be forced to become more mature. It comes with time and patience. So why hurry?
“I have a good job, good salary, and a good future. Yet, I am confused. I don’t know if I am mature enough to get married now. Marriage is a great responsibility so until I feel mature enough to handle it, I am not going to get married,” said Sumitra Mondol, a 24-years-old, media person.

Scared of commitment

Commitment-phobia is considered more of a male trait, but now it has become a woman’s thing. Todays women are much likely to be commitment phobic because they have unlimited choices. The social stigma of being single is lost now. It has become harder for single women to choose the right life partner to settle down. Women, today, have become more ‘picky’, and so they keep on postponing marriage.

“I would prefer to wait for the right man rather than hurry up for marriage. Well, he may not be the ‘perfect’ guy but he may end up being so much more,” opines Dipanwita, an IAS aspirant.

Marital discord of parents

Marital discord among parents leaves stains on the image of a married life in the mind of young women. Break up or divorce causes great damage to a family, especially to children. The long-term consequences of parental discord can develop a fear for marriage among the girls. They start running from the social ritual of marriage and keep on postponing it. “The marital dispute among my parents has made me scared of marriage. I am emotionally damaged. What if I too face the same situation?,” shares a 28-years-old woman on request of anonymity.

Does it mean that late marriage is the key for a woman to have a successful happy married life? Well, experts think otherwise.

Studies show that late marriage is main cause for the rampant growth of infertility among the urban women in India. The right time for fertility of girls is between 20 to 26 years. Hormone production decreases after 30s, which is likely to affect fertility among women. 

“One in six couples, in metros, has trouble conceiving without treatment because of late marriage. I get several patients aged between 30s and 40s who face problems conceiving,” said Dr Sudhir Gupta, a gynecologist at a government hospital.

For many women, infertility becomes a large crisis in their married lives which not only affect their social and family life but also their psychological condition.

Irrespective of the motherhood phase, marriage is a personal decision which should not be affected by social stigma, parental pressure, or a craving to gain economic stature.

Because being a woman has more to it than just being a mother. If you are ready for D-Day and have found the right life partner, why wait? But getting married late may give you more weapons to make it work. So, are you ready to tie the knot yet?