Verbal terror

Biological diarrhoea can be treated with the help of a doctor but what does one do about the political verbal diarrhoea? The totally inane statements that you hear ad-nauseam are getting my goat and raising my BP to unmanageable levels.

There is an attack on Bodh Gaya and what does the prime minister of our country tells us: ‘I condemn the attacks on religious places.’ My wife interjects to ask whether attacks on other places are fine and I utter disgustingly, I concur with you and for once, you the PM and I, the ordinary citizen, are on the same page.

Home ministry issues a statement that ‘once the culprits are traced and after the due process of law has taken its course and if they are found guilty, they will be punished.’ My grandfather also used to tell us this when we were frustrated after reading about some heinous crimes were reported in the press. CCTV cameras were not working and although the central Intelligence agencies had given inputs to the state police, obviously, these inputs were not taken seriously. Another cut and paste statement from the central government.

The chief minister makes a public statement. ‘I will visit the site and will call a meeting of senior leaders and also the police officials. We will discuss the issue in detail and take appropriate action.’ Sir, if I may humbly submit that even horses are cleverer than you and if you had any horse sense, you won’t be making such a stupid statement. Why? Because the horses have already bolted to get trained for another race to win. Let us not jump to any conclusion is another common throw back at us.

Now listen to some of the statements of the subservient police bosses: The police sources admit that security inadequacy is their main concern and need to be addressed. That will happen if you are not busy protecting the politicians and are doing your basic duty and that is to protect Aam Adami. ‘It will be a good idea to do mock drills on a regular basis so that we are able to cope with such eventualities,’ is one more addition I heard. The British used to so mock drill against German bomber attacks and that was in 1940s and your own people do the mock drills for fire fighting. You want me to believe that mock drills are some recent discoveries?

This is what the government has to tell us and now listen to some pearls of wisdom from the opposition leaders. ‘This is a weak-knead government on its last leg and all they can do is to pander to the minorities in the name of secularism. They should resign immediately’ and the government responds: ‘Pray, let us know in whose regime did the Kandhahar hijacking take place? Who disgraced our country by sending our foreign minister to have talks with the terrorists? We did that or they?’

I have found a quick fix solution to my BP problem. And there are no prizes for guessing it right. Pour a stiff brandy, add some honey and lemon juice and gulp the first one with warm water. Repeat the process slowly thereafter. By the way, what happened to the terrorist attack in Malleshwaram that took place recently?

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