Else where

Else where

Liz Hurley’s guilt-free beef jerky

Here’s the most ludicrous celebrity product of all time: close your eyes and begin salivating for Liz Hurley’s beef jerky.

That, my ducks, is in no way a euphemism: rather it is the first foodstuff to be commercially produced by madam’s organic farm in Gloucestershire.

For those unaware of her agrarian idyll, it provides the backdrop for the charming tableaux of rural life with which Liz is given to providing various glossy magazines every six months. Here she is on a swing wearing stilettos; there she is giggling suggestively at a goat (ballgown by Oscar de la Renta). Along with dressing her son like a button-shoed, pre-teen royal circa 1956, the whole country lady shtick is part of Liz’s enduringly hilarious campaign to present herself as a sort of white-jeaned Mitford sister (non-Nazi model), when in fact she grew up in suburban Basingstoke and is about as To the Manor Born as Cher.

To be honest, Lost in Showbiz had assumed the farm was merely a set built on an otherwise defunct soundstage owned by Liz’s madly unproductive production company, Simian Films — but it seems that Hurley’s Hameau really exists. And it is now your go-to source for celebrity branded, naturally low calorie beef jerky.

The packet of said jerky shows a drawing of Elizabeth lying on the ground in a black cocktail dress, kicking her bright-pink wellington boots coquettishly. The product is billed as “a guilt-free snack”. . . and yet, is it? Is it really?

Is there not something about being the type of person who would spent £1.95 on a small dried meat snack purveyed by the star of Passenger 57 that would engender the most debilitating feelings of shame and bad conscience in anyone? Something for the Advertising Standards Authority to contemplate, either way.

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