A 'hole' lot of distress

A 'hole' lot of distress


A 'hole' lot of distress

“So, gentlemen, we meet here today under trying circumstances.” said the chairman rhetorically. All heads grimly nodded. “But we cannot allow ourselves to be pushed around. We, as committee members of the Potholes Supporters of India (PSI)-Bangalore chapter, have to reconcile ourselves to tougher days ahead.

Judging by the rate at which the BBMP is filling up the potholes on Bangalore roads, we will soon find ourselves out of business. Did you read today’s newspaper? Out of a total 37,000 potholes, the BBMP has decided to fill up 2,130 this fiscal. They are even planning to approach the World Bank for assistance under the urban civic amenities aid programme for third world countries for a soft loan of Rs 1,000 crores to fill all the remaining holes in the next 10 years. So, where does that leave us?”

“Of course, I know that the repaired holes will open up in the next rains and new ones will spring up. Still, at this stage of our lives, can we allow these damn potholes to burn holes in our pockets? I, as an orthopaedic surgeon, have greatly benefited because of the BBMP’s generosity. I’ve lost count of the number of fractures, slipped discs, torn ligaments etc that my patients, who are two wheeler riders, have suffered because of these craters. I’m not going to allow my thriving business to be taken away from me,” he added with determination.

Echoing similar sentiments, the neurosurgeon said, “I’ve just invested crores in a new facility, equipped with the latest scanning and 3-D imaging system. Now, I can get more accurate images of damaged brains and spinal cords of patients who have been thrown off their vehicles on these Martian craters. How will I repay the loan if everybody has a smooth ride?” he said, gnashing his teeth.

“Hold on, don’t grimace like that. As a dentist, I know better. The enamel of the teeth is sensitive to abrasion.  The teeth are the first to take the hit after a toss. I’m sick of carrying out root canal treatments, implants and cosmetic dentistry on people who have traversed the wild and dangerous terrain of Bangalore. But it’s a lucrative practice all the same. I’m with you in the fight against this atrocious decision of the BBMP,” said the dentist. “Me too” said the ophthalmologist. “Sharp stones piercing the eye, corneal tissue abrasion, loss of eyesight, retinal detachment etc are all inevitable when a person lands on his face during a fall. Hence, I’m planning to import the latest laser operated unit to handle such cases. Just when the loan is about to be sanctioned, this shocker.”

“Look friends,” said the deep voice from the corner. “I, as president of the Automobile Repairers Association of India’s Karnataka Chapter, speak on behalf of the thousands of automobile repair workshops in the state. I’m sure that you will agree with me when I say that humans may or may not be injured in an accident, but the vehicle surely takes a beating. Punctured fuel tanks, damaged suspensions, fork bends, broken lights, broken windshields, oh, it’s a big list. It’s these units that provide succour in such situations to see that the vehicle is back on the road in the shortest possible time. What will they do if there are no accidents at all?

“So, we, honourable members of PSI, will sit in dharna before the BBMP office. Our Slogan — Go Slow On Pothole Repairs.”