Ask your counsellor

Do not be afraid

Ask your counsellor

Dear Madam

I am a student of class 10. I have been a topper in my class since childhood. I am a very honest and sincere student. I never copy even if the answer paper is given to me!

 But these days I am growing jealous of my peers who score more than me by such unfair means, and I feel nobody has real talent, but they just keep getting marks without any actual knowledge. When I sit to study, sometimes this thought comes to my mind and I get irritated and lose my interest in studying. This has posed a great challenge to me and I am not able to come out of it. I want to stop this habit of “jealousy” and study with a cool mind.Please help me.
A student

Dear student

I understand that you are a very diligent and sincere student and you believe in putting in your hard work to get the results. You don’t believe in cheating and using unfair means and that is a great value to uphold. Ultimately, you are the one who is gaining the learning in the process.

You cannot control what others do and believe. You can only control your own actions and beliefs, and live by your own values. Obviously the values of the others don’t sit well with you which is why you are not following that path. 

Remember, you will feel happy only when you are true to yourself, and live by values that you hold dear. The benefit in the process is that you gain the learning which others don’t. In the short-term you may feel they are better off because they are getting the marks without much effort. But, remember that in the long-term (and that is what matters), you will be richer in knowledge and have a better work ethic, and that is what will hold you in good stead in life.

Life is not about getting better marks than the others, it is about doing your best, and being your best and exploiting your true potential. You are not the one who should be getting jealous of them, they are the ones who should be jealous of you because you will be the winner in life.Good luck!

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Madam, 

I am a girl studying in class 9. I have a problem connected with my studies. The problem is not in scoring marks. I always score above 95%. The problem is I study only at the time of my exams. During leisure time I don’t feel like studying at all. Sometimes my mind is diverted to all kinds of nonsense things. I do it having the knowledge that it is not good. Later I realise that it is harming me and I stop doing that. Do I need to practise some kind of meditation to concentrate on my studies? Please help me through this.

PH 

Dear PH

You should feel blessed that you are able to score well with a little bit of effort. You should celebrate this instead of feeling guilty about it. Imagine what you will be able to achieve with some more effort. 

Having said that, it is not essential that you need to study all the time. If you were meant to study in it, you would not call it “leisure” time. You don’t need to feel guilty. Yes, if you are doing something harmful to yourself, or others, you should make a course correction. Ask yourself what you are gaining by doing that ‘nonsense’ activity. What is the “harm” that it is causing you? What are you gaining by causing that “harm” to yourself? When you are able to weigh the pros and cons, you would be able to make a more informed and wiser choice.

Meditation is proven to be helpful and these days mindfulness meditation is gaining a lot of popularity. It can’t hurt you and can only be helpful, so go ahead and start practicing it, anyway.All the best.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Madam,

 I am a student of Class 12. I am not able to answer questions in class. For some reason I am low on confidence. I hesitate to clear my doubts. I cannot communicate with my teachers. When my teachers ask me questions, I get nervous and tense. I need to overcome this fear. Please help. 

A student

Dear Student

You are not alone in having this fear. Many students have this fear. You need to ask yourself what are you scared off? What is your worst fear? If you ask your teacher something, what is the worst thing that can happen? Once you are able to identify what the worst possible outcome is, you will realise for yourself that, that is something you can probably live with and that it need not be so scary.

For instance, if you were to say that if you were to ask your teacher something in class, to clarify your doubt, the worst thing that could happen is that the teacher (or fellow students) may think you are dumb. And they may start laughing at you. My question to you is that if they do think you are dumb, does that mean that you are really dumb, or does that make you dumb.

That is something you need to ask yourself. What would make you give so much importance to their opinion of you, that you hold yourself back on their account? If for some reason they did end up thinking you are dumb, that does not become the reality. The reality is whatever you believe about yourself.

The universe just starts reflecting that. This is a relatively easy fear to overcome, and I suggest you work with a counsellor to help you, if you are not able to do it yourself. Remember, you need to believe in yourself and your capabilities, and your opinion of yourself is ultimately the only thing that matters. Don’t let others define you – define yourself! All the best.

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