Else where

You thought you were entering the 2010s (the teens? The tweens?), but actually time just got stuck in a loop on the vinyl (that’s old-people speak for ‘song on your iPod’, young people) and we’ve all woken up back in the 1980s. Well, it could have been worse. I mean, it could be the 90s.

The fact is, there really aren’t such things as ‘trends’ any more because designers know that people are oddly reluctant to spend their money nowadays on things that they’ll only be able to wear for three months. So really, this is an excellent time to be a customer. Not only are the sales better and bigger this year, but designers are chucking any old thing in the pot these days in an attempt to appeal to the few potential customers out there who might be persuaded to buy. You don’t like the 80s? No problem! Would madam be a fan of the dominatrix look? The oversized small child look? The haute hippy look? (And if you answered yes to any of the above, you are instructed to stop trespassing on this page with your eyes forthwith: designers may be getting more tolerant but this page is not. Be gone with you, you weirdo with terrible taste!)

So, eventually, you should wear whatever you damn well want. This is, of course, always true but it is truer than ever now because wearing whatever you want is just so very now, you see? Consumer freedom reflects the zeitgeist even better than if you pinned a pink slip to the lapel of your blazer. Although I must say, that would be a divine look.

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