How to make it work...

When a marriage is nurtured and strengthened every day by small actions and quiet support, it bears wonderful results, says Vimla Patil.

If there are two words that describe the current age, they are speed and greed. Everyone is in a tearing hurry to get things done, to make money out of every deal, to meet targets, and most important, to be there first and beat everyone at the game of life! Invariably, our relationships take the rap for this state of affairs. Though we may feel immense love for those closest to us, there is not enough time or opportunity to express our feelings. It has sadly become the story of many marriages today. How do we rewrite the script? Here are some suggestions.

People say that once marriage comes in, romance flies out of the window. The daily rigmarole of duties and responsibilities kills all romance and makes life mundane. So, it’s important to watch out for any signs of boredom creeping into your relationship and take immediate action to inject new life into your togetherness. Small outings, unexpected surprises and genuine love talk can help resolve even the worst relationship crisis. True romance calls for being aware of each other and seeking ‘together’ time  – a sweet touch, a loving call or chat, or any kind of closeness conveys the message. When your partner speaks of love and romance, pay complete attention, don’t let your mind waver to ‘must do’ chores.

Morari Bapu, the great scholar of Ram Charit Manas, often speaks of the three-point foundation of a relationship. He says that love means compassion, generosity and forgiveness. Compassion is the ability to put oneself in the position of the other person and try to understand the situation with sympathy, without being judgmental. It can help one to come out of the worst of situations without ugly confrontations.

Generosity is of heart, time and love. Give credit where due and acknowledge the skill or success of your partner. Discuss events and your commitments so that at all times, both partners are completely in the know of each other’s work load, plans to deal with it and the time element involved in each day. Once this is done, seek some dedicated ‘we’ time. Exchange the good news of the day, however small, and share the bad moments too. Generosity does not have to mean expensive gifts or fancy holidays. It can mean cherishing each other in thought and deed.

Finally, forgiveness entails disregarding small mistakes made by the significant other and not blowing them up into huge battles. Every one of us makes mistakes. If the lapses are serious, discuss them and find a solution. If they are insignificant, overlook them with forgiveness.

Trust, respect and integrity are the cornerstones of a fulfilling marriage. Try not to take important decisions without your partner’s knowledge. Be absolutely open and lead a life of fairness and loyalty. This helps overcome many big and small problems in the relationship. Similarly, consideration, good language and gentleness in communication with your spouse ensure a healthy relationship that can withstand the regular highs and lows.