Red hot chilli pepper(s)

No, this is not about the popular California music band. It is about something more ribald and basal that all we low-lives who call ourselves homo-sapiens would have indulged in at some point or the other, even if some do not plead guilty. It is red hot, spicy and lip-smacking. Yes, you’ve got it right! It is brazen, unapologetic gossip.  

Now I’ll not be a prig and swear that I haven’t trespassed this area indiscreet and I shall certainly not vow never to trespass again! Why, even researchers insist that a wee bit of harmless tittle-tattle is actually beneficial to health. My gossip-forte is reel life celebrities; their starry tantrums in particular. You see I am far too dignified (read: terrified!) to talk about real life folks. What if you are guffawing at someone’s expense and then turn around to see the very subject of your jibes standing right behind you! It is nightmarish to even think of.

But there is a genre of gossip that some specialise in which I find distasteful.
Unnecessary comments on physical appearances for instance. In college, I had two classmates who shared the same first name. One was slim and the other, well, a little plump. When I asked someone about the whereabouts of one of the two aforementioned girls; even before I had a chance to specify the surname, the girl I had enquired expanded her arms as if to indicate girth and exclaimed, ‘Which one?! That f-a-a-a-a-t girl?!’. Well, I could have thought of nicer ways of describing her! There are others who make malicious remarks on fat faces, balding heads, huge noses, slug-like lips, pachyderm like ears and so on. Even the posterior part of the human anatomy is not spared!

Once, much to my amusement I over-heard two friends discussing me. ‘You look a lot like Lassie’, one was telling the other. I couldn’t see their faces but the listener must have looked a little woe-begone for the speaker then said in a somewhat placating tone- I quote her verbatim- “But don’t worry, you are little bit more height than her”. I laughed until my stomach hurt.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I have some sagely advice for you. Gossip is one of the primary pleasures of life. The luxury only of humans. Renouncing it would be a shame. Only exercise moderation and keep it clean. Make sure you do not hurt feelings or sentiments or cause damage to reputation. And last but not the least; don’t forget to watch your back!

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