Define where you want to reach

ask your counsellor

Define where you want to reach

Dear Madam,
I am a mechanical engineer and have done a PG Diploma in Fire and Safety. I am now working in a construction company as a safety officer. After getting the job, I now feel that the safety field does not have as much scope as the technical field. I am confused and depressed about my career. Please help me.

Dear Vinod,
I understand that you are confused about your career path and choices. Unfortunately in life, the future is never clear and obvious, and we can and must create our own path, not just follow a pre-defined path. So, if we can and have to create our own path, we are free to make our own choices. So whatever path you choose, it does not have to be the only path you will go on for the rest of your life. The important thing to remember is that you have control on the path that you decide to go down. Some paths may be financially more rewarding than others, some may give you better opportunities than others. The important thing is to analyse what you want, how you define success for yourself, and what your strengths and weaknesses, opportunities and threats are. Gaining that level of self-awareness will help you choose a path that is the best fit for you — leveraging your strengths and minimising the negative impact of your weaknesses. Sometimes, it may be helpful to work with a counsellor to do this analysis and introspection to gain right perspective and insight. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am a diploma student studying in the fourth semester. I did well in Class 10. My academic performance is very good even now. But I am not an achiever in sports, cultural events etc. Sometimes, I am not confident and don’t have the courage to go up on stage. Can you please suggest how I can overcome my fear and be confident.  
A student

Dear Student,
One fears the judgement of others when one is unable to make a positive judgement about oneself. When you don’t believe in yourself and your worth, you worry about what others think about you. When you believe in yourself and your worth, then what others think about you holds no meaning. Please read my article published earlier in this newspaper on this topic ( I suggest that you take the help of a counsellor, to discover your own worth and live up to your own potential. Please remember that no one’s judgement of you is as important as your own judgement about yourself. We are often our own worst critics and when we are able to think of ourselves in a positive light, the world starts doing that too, because others merely reflect what we think of ourselves.

Dear Madam,
I am a Class 10 student. Though I am good at studies, I get angry easily. Even in class, I grasp the subjects quickly and am always in a hurry to finish work fast. Sometimes, I get restless waiting for others to complete their work. And while my teachers appreciate my work, they also feel that I don’t go deep into the topic. While playing games too, if I feel that someone has not followed the rules, I get angry and act out, thus spoiling the game. My parents and teachers feel that I should learn to adjust to be a good team player and leader. How can I go about this? Please guide.

Dear Nesar,
I think it is very helpful for all of us to try and understand ourselves and our emotions better and I am impressed by your courage in wanting to go down that path. Anger is a valid emotion, but the expression of anger sometimes needs to be managed. To be able to do that, it is helpful to understand your anger — what is causing you to get angry, what needs of yours are not being satisfied, or what feelings are triggering the anger. Getting answers to these questions will help you become a better team player, and also not be so hard on yourself and on others. But getting these answers is not that easy and I suggest you take the help of a counsellor who will go down that path with you. If you do not have access to a counsellor, call the free Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at 080 65333323 to reach a counsellor who can get you started on this very rewarding journey of self-discovery. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am studying for my Class 10 exams. I am under immense pressure to score well and as the exams are nearing, I am not able to eat or sleep properly. I am not even able to concentrate properly on studies as I start daydreaming or easily get distracted when I start reading school books. Sometimes, I feel like watching a movie or reading fiction. As the exams are nearing, I am getting nervous. Please help me.

Dear Nachiketh,
I have written extensively in this column on the topic of exam-related anxiety. You can read some of the articles on the topic at, and I think it will be very helpful for you to go through them. It will also be helpful for you to reach out to a counsellor who may help you understand your anxiety related to exams. If you do not have access to a counsellor you could try accessing the free parivarthan counselling helpline at 080 65333323. It is important to be able to understand what your fears are and whether those fears are rational or not. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am a BSc student and am studying for my final semester exams. But I lack motivation to study as there is no clear path ahead for my higher studies. I am confused as to what to take up next and it is affecting my studies now. Please guide.

Dear Mala,
It is up to you to create a clear path ahead of you. You can define your path. Life is not necessarily about following a path that has been identified by someone else. It can be about creating an entirely new path that you have found for yourself. So don’t think about your higher studies as the next defining thing that someone else has to give you clarity about.

Think about what it is that you ultimately want to do and become. Visualise the life you want to lead and how you want to get there. And then choose the path of higher studies that you want towards that end. There is no one right path that you need to follow. There may be several equally good paths that you can choose from. So, define where you want to reach and then choose the path. And in the process, remember to enjoy the journey.

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