I was in class III when I was shifted to a bigger school. The image that has been imprinted in my mind of that day besides my ‘Sadhana cut’ hairstyle and the black stretch pant that I had sported was the non-verbal gesture of the girl sitting next to me making me her ‘dost’ by extending her thumb.
Early friendships were cultivated by extending our thumbs and friends were unmade by crossing our index and middle fingers. We further verbalised the sentiments by saying aloud, ‘dost’ or ‘katti’ as the case maybe.
How uncomplicated the world was then! Today, I am not sure why people just stop talking, leaving the other person grappling in the dark. I wish people would call out ‘katti’ and leave the other person in peace rather than keep them in suspense on what could be the reason for the cold shoulder. This strangeness in human beings transcends beyond education, caste, gender or age.
My mother at 82 is left wondering at a very strange remark made by one of her relatives: “I thought I could trust you till I heard that you had made that remark!” Now, my mother is unable to recollect either the statement or the occasion and the evening of her life is spoilt because the relationship lacks the earlier warmth. Like many of us, she is neither made of sterner stuff to confront directly and sort out the matter nor is she able to let go and say ‘to hell with you!’
A couple of decades ago, I did try to confront a ‘close friend’ to identify the reason for the sudden frostiness in our otherwise warm friendship. Alas, it was not to be for she claimed that all was hunky dory as far as she was concerned. I had to let it go. The friendship died a natural death and I am left with only surmises and conjectures. In this context, I admired another friend of mine who sought clarification for the unnatural silence from my end. I appreciated her thought and effort to keep our friendship alive.
In today’s world of uncertainty, let us not complicate our lives further by simply switching off our loyalties and forgetting the good times that we hitherto enjoyed. I have known neighbours cutting themselves off once they move away after enjoying the ‘farewell dinner’ without even dropping a token mail in gratitude for the ease with which their ‘moving out’ was possible.
Keeping in touch is extremely easy in today’s world of WhatsApp, Instant Messaging and Facebook. It is always possible that an individual would have read more into the friendship, but to simply vanish from your life rejecting any overture is extremely rude unless it is a potentially hazardous relationship. True, there could be some personal reasons that one wouldn’t like to share openly, but informing that you have a lot in mind and you wouldn’t like to be disturbed at this present juncture is enough reason for an adult to back off.
Let’s try to remain ‘dost’ and if warranted be brave enough to ‘unfriend’ by offering a reason for not keeping in touch.
