Letter to our dear CM

Dearest Sir, Season's greetings!

I'm writing this letter to you to commend your ministers and yourself for making this city of ours absolutely special. Sincere congratulations!

Some years back, this city was only famous for being the IT capital of India, but now it is so much more thanks to your team that tirelessly works for its good. I laud the foresight and the perseverance of these esteemed gentlemen in blocking the stormwater drains with illegal construction, encouraging unplanned urbanisation and allowing encroachments near lakes. By doing all this, they have once again put our city on the global map - Bengaluru is now being called the Venice of the East! Where else in the world can one have a swimming pool in their basement whenever it rains? Or take a swim on the roads? I'm sure this will attract a lot of tourists and make this city even more popular. Fantastic, sir!

Thank you, also, for making this the safest city in the country for both motorists and pedestrians. With the average traffic speed in this great city being kept below 13 kmph, there is hardly any danger of a major accident occurring on our famous roads. Pedestrians can cross roads with no risk to limb or life as the traffic only crawls. Also, because of this incredible planning, you are saving a lot of the taxpayer's money - no further need to invest in speed signs, pedestrian overpasses or zebra crossings. Kudos!

Another unbelievable accomplishment is to have made this fair city the orthopaedic centre of the world! It was only under your benign leadership that this medical practice gained so much traction. Orthopaedic doctors across the country are coming here in droves given the ample opportunities that this city offers. What with the crater-like potholes, washed-out roads and exquisitely-painful-to-the-buttocks speed-breakers, whether you are a bus driver or a cyclist, you are going to need an orthopaedic doctor sooner or later. What a vision, sir! I applaud you!

There are so many other things your team has done to make this a unique city (and saving funds at the same time!) no streetlights, no sidewalks ... the list just goes on!

Esteemed sir, since I've heaped so much praise on you, I was wondering if I could ask you for a very tiny favour. Today, I was fined for parking my car under a 'No Parking' sign. I tried explaining to the policeman that our great city was exceptional, that there were more 'No Parking' zones here than 'parking' ones, that the few parking zones that were available were either occupied by handcarts or were dug up. In which other city would we find such distinctiveness? Under your dedicated administration, our city should be featured in the Guinness Book! That'll definitely be a feather in your cap, sir.

Now, sir, if you could do something about the parking ticket, I would forever sing your praises!

Yours sincerely...