New-gen love is characterised by swipes, first impressions and quick dates on dating apps. The world of matchmaking sites is fraught with risks, though. Metrolife takes a look at some lessons learnt on the online highway to love. Identities are withheld on request.
Tall dude who just wouldn't go home
My flatmate met a guy online, got talking, became interested and invited him over. He came over to our house one evening and we all just sat around, drank and had good conversations. But somehow this man got the idea that it was going to be a threesome! He actually said it out loud, but I think we were too drunk to be offended.
The guy was too good-looking to be passed up so my friend did end up sleeping with him. And then he doesn't leave! He just proceeds to make himself at home, going to the extent of cooking dinner for us even though we had ordered food. He stayed till the next day evening. My friend was working from home and didn't speak to him much, throwing hints that he should leave. But he was just stupid.
Red flags: We should have figured out his level of awareness when he used 'adivasi' to refer to a villager in a period drama.
Turn off: Don't overstay your welcome. Don't make people feel uncomfortable.
Turn on: It's the small stuff. Be nice. Why would I ever talk to you if you're an ass to my friends?
Good man in an unseemly hurry
I have used Tinder for quite some time. Once I met a person who was sweet and charming, almost too much so. Almost immediately he asked if I wanted to head to his place. It was our first and last meeting.
Another time, I swiped right on a guy who lived just next street and we met after a couple of hours, without talking much. He didn't know a thing about consent. When I asked him not to touch me, he flared up and called me a lesbian. I blocked him straight away.
Turn off: Don't be a lout. And consent is sacrosanct.
Turn on: Men who are clean, well-groomed and sober.
Beautiful girl who wouldn't touch paneer
I met a girl on an app recently. I was bored and randomly saw her profile and pinged her. She replied instantly and we started chatting. We became close friends by the third day. The connection was amazing but she was already in a relationship! We stopped talking but she texted me a week later. That night, we finally met. She was beautiful and a lot of fun. We went to Domino's where I learnt she loves the Choco Lava cake, and doesn't eat paneer. I dropped her back home and a tight hug later, we agreed to stop all conversation henceforth. Guess it was too good to be true.
Lesson: If it looks too good to be true, it's too good to be true.
Turn off: Glimpses of attitude in the bio girls write for themselves. Also, girls who turn clingy after first date.
Turn on: Physical appearances do matter.
Dude desperate for an address
I was going through a bad breakup and got on one of these dating apps to meet new people. A couple of weeks later, I matched with a guy who was educated, well-travelled and loved dogs! We chatted a bit and then he asked for my number. I wasn't comfortable sharing it so soon, but he insisted. I fell for it and gave away my contact details.
He called me straightaway and what followed was a super-awkward conversation during which he tried to figure out where I lived and how open I was to ... everything.
The next day, he came to my area and hung around for a couple of hours, calling and messaging me to go and meet him. I freaked out, said goodbye, blocked him and uninstalled the app.
Red flag: Someone who contacts you outside of the app without your permission.
Turn off: Bad grammar, topless pictures or no pictures.
Turn on: Similar interests. I accept profiles with dogs or books in them.
Mr Right online who turned app sceptic
I was naive and matched my profile with several people only to be told off very harshly. Then I met an investment banker from abroad and he was straightforward about his intentions. He made it very clear he only wanted to fool around for the time he was here. I politely turned him down while feeling a little ego boost at the same time.
Three uninstalls later I found my current boyfriend on the app. We spoke for seven months before he decided to fly down to my city. It'll be a month soon and the long distance thing is difficult but we're trying to see if it lasts. His only grouse is that we met on a dating app and we don't have an interesting tale of how we met. I tell him it doesn't matter, maybe we were meant to be introduced via the miscalculation of algorithms on a dating app.
Turn off: Hurry to jump into bed.
Turn on: Honesty.
Meeting places
Some popular dating apps in India are: Tinder, Truly Madly, Woo, Bumble, Moco, Kama, Bloomy, Aisle, Thrill, ekCoffee, Matchify, Grindr, Scruff, OkCupid and PlanetRomeo (the last four offer options for people with different orientations).
Monisha Srichand, co-founder and director of TalkItOver Counselling and Life Coaching Services
"It's hard to list out dos and don'ts for online dating. First of all, do your research before you choose a dating app. Some use profiles from verified sources. And be careful with the information and pictures you put out. There is a fine line between being genuine and putting everything out there. Try not to put too many photographs. Be careful about the kind of pictures you upload. Be careful about sharing too many details; you can do that once you have sufficiently progressed in the relationship."
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