Women are not rehabilitation centres for badly raised men' is the post everyone is sharing and talking about on Facebook now. Posted on April 2 by Jaseena Backer, this post has been highlighting a conversation that many women in the country are most likely scared to say out loud.
Jaseena is a parenting strategist, writer, speaker, psychologist, gender expert and a corporate trainer. It was conversation with her household that triggered her to write this post.
She says, "My house help was complaining about how her daughter-in-law hasn't been helpful in making a better man of her son and I thought it was ridiculous of her to think that way. It got me thinking that this is something most women have to go through and it's not fair."
She wanted to address the thought that was deeply rooted in our culture - to think that women are responsible for their husband's behaviour.
"Being a Muslim woman, I've seen many 18-year-olds getting married to a 25-year-old and relatives expecting her to make him a better man. She is not even mature enough to do
something like that, how can you give her such a responsibility. In fact, that is not her responsibility," she exclaims.
An excerpt from the post reads: "The India society has spent centuries grooming girls to be future good wives, yet failing to produce the good husbands who deserve them. This makes girls grow up to feel they have to cater to childish juvenile behaviour in their marriages. In this patriarchal society we live in, there is a notion that, "girls are more mature than boys at a particular given age," and that is one monumental social constructs. Girls aren't more mature than boys their age mentally. Therefore wives are not officially teachers, mentors or coaches for their husbands."
Jaseena says, "I have been receiving a lot of messages from women who have told me that I've become a voice for them. I did put up a disclaimer saying that not all men are like this. It is natural for men to become defensive about this; if the post were about women, I know that women will also put on their defensive cap on."
She has also been receiving messages from men who say that women too are difficult to handle but that percentage is lesser than the ones who say otherwise. It only goes to show how oppressed the society is making them.
"Our society never questions why husbands couldn't correct their daughters. But women are asked when their husband has anger issues, drinking problem or even if he isn't well-settled."
Jaseena concludes the post by saying: "Women, you are NOT rehabilitation centres for badly raised men. It is NOT your job to fix him, change him, parent him or raise him. You want a partner, not a project."
Jaseena also does workshops for women corporates. She says, "There is no male bashing during the workshop. In fact, the only thing I do teach is how a man and woman should co-exist. We need to live in peace and not let social construct define you. You can't live without one another."
Tips on how to co-exist
Parenting is a responsibility. When you are raising your son or daughter, bring them up equally. Give them equal opportunities be it education or household chores. Give them work that is age-wise and not based on their gender.
Men are equally responsible of taking care of the children as much as the mother. The behavioural upbringing of the child is also a father's responsibility.
Parenting is a partnership. Men are not just responsible for bringing the money home.
Times have changed and so should you. Women have taken a huge leap and started working and coming back to being a mother and wife. Whether you are living in joint family or a nuclear family, responsibilities should be shared equally.
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