Glorious annals of desi sleaze

Off the record... What a neighbour does in the privacy of his bedroom isnt anybodys business, but celebrities and their laffaires bring out the inn

Caesar’s wife should be above suspicion – “fair enough”! - but what about Caesar himself. The presence of a woman player in any scandal - be it political, social, economic or economic-religious - universally jacks up its publicity potential by several notches. And if  the woman in question happens to carry the magical oomph and style, lisping in English - all hell breaks loose for those seeking heaven in the spiced up details laid out by the hysterical media – duty bound “to uncover the cover up”. 

In the liberal western world – the modern Caesar would not dare divorce or distance himself from his consort , girlfriend, soul mate or material colleague on account of what turns out to be a public scandal or scam. But back home, the honourable Caesars do not own up their l’affaires, hiding behind the iron curtain of morality. Indian politicians are always home bound family men having no “third-person account” (this is besides their other secret bank accounts).

Over sixty years ago the first Prime Minister of India did not mind sharing a hearty laugh in public with Lady Mountbatten with Lord Mountbatten discreetly standing a step ahead. The liberal premier also didn’t mind smoking in public. There was, of course, fire and smoke at the same time. Nehru’s open heart policy has very few political followers in the country, who would rather always like to push under the bed the heart of the matter.
Sunanda Pushkar, the divorced friend of  Shashi Tharoor - the ex-Minister of state for foreign affairs - had the advantage of being with “the westernised Indian-Englishman”, who did not mind describing a friend as a friend. He proved his moorings and   confirmed himself to be “a friend in need is a friend indeed”.  What is more interesting is that scams with a glamourous spin-off has all intricate details but those related to the crux of the issue.

How do you explain Dr Ashok Gupta, a leading Mumbai-based cosmetic surgeon, gleefully providing confidential “body of information” of his beauty surgery on Pushkar’s nose and elsewhere to the newspersons. “The Before and After” Pushkar is made out to be the main launch vehicle for the IPL controversies and not the businesswoman sweating it out (for a “sweat equity”) with a friend in tow.

Single woman with ‘secrets’

Pushkar was lucky in having a real high-profile male friend. The high adrenaline-rush for stories has in the recent weeks led media to inject an additional-unverified dose of sex quotient in their reporting involving a woman. Madhuri Gupta, the junior diplomat in Islamabad arrested for allegedly passing on secret information to Pakistan intelligence agent, initially let media go berserk with their imagination - a woman, a single woman, with  “secrets” and an affair with a Pakistani spy.

The 50-plus Gupta let a thousand flowers bloom in the media circles. A correspondent of a prominent television channel virtually crossed Indo-Pak boundary to conclude, while “thanking God”, that Gupta “fortunately” did not have info on the Indian “nuclear button”.  The N bomb that did not explode. Gupta, a low-grade officer, never knew her information prowess until electronic media made the revelation….

Neera Radia - the lady with a mission “to fix a telecom problem” for the Tatas is caught talking to ever controversial Communications Minister A Raja and Tamil Nadu Chief Minister M Karunanidhi’s daughter and MP Kanimozhi. Radia, one of the country’s most influential corporate lobbyists does not leave any doubt about her “spectrum of talent” in dealing with the high and mighty.

The heavy-duty scams laced with women entrepreneurs, however, do not tickle the deepest recess of  Indian masses as much as the saliva dripping lurid sex-escapades of  “Swamijis” and politicians who are always in a denial mode.

Improvised yogasana?

The famous cool weather of Karnataka grew “very hot” recently  when one of the scandals “blessed” exclusively by a youthful  “Swamiji” brought naked the spiritual content of it.

Millions of eyes and ears were glued to the television with Godman Nithyananda Swami harmlessly lolling on his bed with a Tamil actress Ranjitha. Many thought he was into one of  his improvised “Yogasanas” and may ultimately come out of his trance chanting “OM”. This did not happen and “the Guru””, instead , chose to be on “a higher spiritual plane” in the  hill state of Himachal Pradesh before the  Karnataka police did the unholy act of arresting him.

“The spiritual man” has  now actually liberated himself from the bonds of “flesh and body” by declaring that he is actually “not a man”. He has asked the authorities to do a clinical potency test on him so that he can be officially free from the attributes of human frailties and desires.

This is what the motivational teachers describe as “Can do attitude” or  “Can’t do”! The alleged ingenious act of Haratal Halappa, former Karnataka food and civil supplies minister, on his friend Venkatesh Murthy’s wife Chandravathi in Shimoga in November 2009 at the couple’s residence may straight be out of a  popular  potboiler Tamil flick. In this script, the husband played a hero - a Rajnikanth - barring the ubiquitous “dishum-dishum”.

Indian Caesar

Will Halappa meet the fate of Nithyananda or would he escape to victory for being an Indian “Caesar”.  “She is a %@*....came dressed up like a bride”, said  a Karnataka senior saffron leader belting out a knock-out Hindi expletive to describe the woman in  question. One “Caesar” is already making a case for another caught in the act. Quid pro quo is the name of the game “while playing it.”

If  Nithyananda sought to prove himself  “clinically”, Shiv Murat Dwivedi alias “Icchadhari Bheemananda Swami in New Delhi confirmed  his larger than life talent “to lure women to cure” . His Nagain dance is part of the recent folklore among his “devotees”!
An ex-security guard at a hotel and massage parlour, Dwivedi became a yogi and sought enlightenment in the flesh trade in Delhi. In jail he read out his poems to police officers and left them suitably  impressed. `Ichaadhari’ that he is, Dwivedi has made a cool Rs 60 crore and befriended 600 women here, there and elsewhere …Radhey Radhey….

The difference

Coming back to Caesar and his wife. An un-estimated number of politicians, including the mighty ones , have intimate connection with “Gurus” and “Swamijis” in whose company they benefit  “spiritually”. Political leaders in India would never confirm their “third account” but it undeniably exists in every nook and corner of the country. But these “Caesars” want their wives to be above suspicion. And media is too scared to write about the live wire private relationships. The “sleeping cells” of the white-attired gentlemen are never busted as it entails security of all.  

 And look at the Caesars abroad. In France, Prime Minister Mitterand had multiple affairs and sired children with women other than his wife. 

At his funeral, Mrs and Mistress Mitterand stood side by side—a bang, bold, beautiful statement. What does one say of  the incumbent French President Nicolas Sarkozy publicly sending a special craft to fetch his unpredictable wife Carla Bruni, who the former thought was cozying up to her erstwhile boyfriend.

Or of Bruni reportedly keeping the British Queen waiting in the UK as she was making love to her hubby - the French President. It is as simple as that.