A pedestal for Salman’s ‘bhainess’

The women of Dabangg are doomed. They are either suspended from the sky or thrown into ravines. And going by the number of times they invoke their resident deity in khaki, none of the women in the franchise are endowed with a spine.

No wonder Chulbul Pandey talks women empowerment throughout this train wreck of a Part 3. He offers dowry to his damsel (in distress, of course) and suggests that she keep her surname after marriage. After everybody is done dropping their jaws at his noble gestures, Mr Pandey proceeds to dance his stiff muscles to songs that are arranged like a seven-course dinner. Wish a story was served too.

But isn’t it blasphemous to expect craft from the god of goofy things! The Dabangg series is after all dedicated to Salman’s childish showmanship. Barring a new choreographic weapon — a butt step in a snug fit — Chulbul Pandey is a drab in uniform.

When he is not dancing, (those rare moments in the nearly 3-hour disaster), Salman thrusts his backstory on the viewers, which involves debutante Saiee Manjrekar looking ravishing and blushing a bright red at Chulbul’s charms. Relief comes in the form of Kannada’s own Sudeep, who plays an eccentric villain with a private graveyard to bury his victims. The man makes a mark in the madcap cop scheme.

There is a lot of action (buffoonish, again) as Dabangg 3 runs its boring course with little cohesion. The baddies are always in various states of flight; the hero makes paper planes out of them.

Sonakshi Sinha saunters in at regular intervals to parade her floral saree collection. How about suggesting retirement to hubby?