Our mothers had it much easier: Twinkle Khanna on modern day parenting

New Delhi: Crying is the only thing that works. That's the candid advice author, columnist and humourist Twinkle Khanna has for mothers struggling to calibrate screen time for their children. Because that's what she has done too.

Discussing the challenges of modern day parenting on Monday night during the launch of her book "Mrs Funnybones Returns", the former actor and mother to 23-year-old Aarav and 13-year-old Nitara said she has sometime found herself in tears.

"I cry, if that helps. I stand at the doorstep and cry. I think that's the only solution I can offer," she said in response to a question from the audience on how she manages time and screen time with her children.

Tongue firmly in cheek, Khanna said she once tried to bribe the wifi-router guy Mansukh bhai and told her children that the wifi had crashed but realised that was not the long term solution.

"Crying is the only thing that works," Khanna, who is married to actor Akshay Kumar, said.

Recalling her own childhood with sister Rinke and star mother Dimple, Khanna said the times have changed. Back in the day, their mother just had to ensure they ate, had their glass of milk, did their homework, oiled their hair and made two braids.

"If you could manage all that, your work was done. There was nothing more you needed to do. What they did after that didn't matter. My sister and I used to run and go to the beach where we had an account with a very dubious man who would give us free drinks in exchange for nothing, at least, luckily for us at that point of time.

"As long as we came home and did 'Namaste' to all the guests, and sometimes they'd say, 'beta, dance karke dikha do', and we kind of shook a little bit, that was enough," she laughed.

Today, Khanna added, motherhood is very different.

"You're like a psychologist, you're their trainer, you're the nutritionist, you're seeing how many carbs they're eating, how many vitamins they're having, you're their chef, you're an educator, and you are also their screen monitor. And you still have to make the hair along with that. I think our mothers had it much easier," Khanna said.

"Mrs Funnybones Returns", published by Juggernaut, is the sequel to her 2015 bestseller "Mrs Funnybones", a collection of the newspaper columns she wrote about life as a woman balancing work, family and everything in between.

The launch was attended almost exclusively by women, including veteran actor Sharmila Tagore, Juggernaut publisher Chiki Sarkar and dancer Geeta Chandran.

Asked about her opinion on freedom of speech, the writer, also known for her books "Pyjamas are Forgiving", "Welcome to Paradise" and "The Legend of Laxmiprasad and Other Stories", said she does not believe in it if it is used to put down somebody already under scrutiny.

"Comedy is about punching up as you would know," she told host and stand-up comedian Neeti Palta.

"People keep asking me, 'Why do you write columns and you talk about the prime minister and why don't you talk as much about Rahul Gandhi?' If Rahul Gandhi was the prime minister, I'd be writing columns about him every week. So it depends upon who is up there and who you are reaching out to," Khanna said.

Khanna admitted that people worry about ending up in her columns where her superstar husband is referred to as "man of the house", her son as "the prodigal son" and daughter as "Miss Smarty Pants".

The writer said women generally cheer for each other and she does not judge people and divide them between 'green flag' and 'red flag' categories.

"Now that I am older. I don't judge people like that. I try to see behind the words they are saying. I have a little more empathy. I don't think I have any aggression left. For me, as long as I know they have my back, and I have accepted you as a friend, I am like a loyal dog... Once you tame me and I tame you, then we are there for life," she said.

Asked if friendship was a compromise like marriage, Khanna said it was a bigger one.

"It's really silly that people actually believe that one person, whether a man or woman, can fulfil all your needs. It's like saying one key has to open every door... So you need your spouse, your friends, you need all of them."

When prompted to respond, Sharmila Tagore, who was sitting in the audience, said she wants her friends to listen and be a good support system.

"And never give advice. I don't like advice, I want acceptance," the veteran star said.

On a question about tackling writer's block, Khanna said an author once advised her to take a shower but her process is simple: take a walk and write everyday.

"My process, at least for the columns, is very simple. I do my research, then I do some notes. Earlier, when I was younger, I would sit at my desk and wait for the muse to arrive. And if she was going to someone else, I would catch her and drag her back.

"Now I'm too old, my neck starts hurting. So I just keep walking. I'll walk the dog. I'll tend to my plants. And somehow all the connections then form. My brightest idea came not when I was at my desk. I was pushing a sofa into place. My back went, but the brain worked," she said.

Khanna also credited Sarkar for encouraging her to come up with the second book when all she wanted was to focus on fiction writing.

Sarkar said when they were thinking about the launch of the book, they were thinking about ways to make it special.

"We thought wouldn't it be fun to just have women's only launch. And hence, ladies and no gentlemen in this room around you. This was so much fun," she said.