Create, connect, communicate

Parents can play a crucial role as 'suicide gatekeepers', by taking the lead in recognising when the child is emotionally distressed, writes Deepika Gumaste

Earlier in June, Devika Balakrishnan, a 14-year-old daughter of a daily wage labourer in Kerala, was found dead near her home. Media reports confirmed later that the teenager took her own life because she couldn’t attend the first day of her new online school term. Devika is one amongst thousands of Indian children who take their lives every year, indicating a disturbing trend and a corresponding increase in mental health challenges of children.

For any parent, their biggest nightmare is to witness the death of their child, especially when it is self-inflicted. Yet, suicidal tendencies in young Indian children is no new development. The WHO reported suicide as the second leading cause of death among 15-29-year-olds globally in 2016. In India, data from the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) shows about 10,159 students died by suicide in 2018, up from 9,905 in 2017, and 9,478 in 2016. 2019 reported a further spike of 3.4% suicide rates. Closure of schools, prolonged isolation, cancellation of exams, disruption of daily lives due to Covid-19, are further expected to have a life-altering impact on young minds and their overall well-being.

Understanding triggers

Kids can experience stress, brought on by rejection from friends, bullying by peers and academic pressures. Nyna Sabharwal, Founder of Safe Space, a centre for suicide prevention explains, “Research shows that early adverse childhood experiences, involving domestic violence, emotional neglect, addictions in the family, loss of a loved one, or a parent with any extreme mental health condition that has not been diagnosed, can impact the child significantly, shaping his sense of self, that could lead to mental health issues and self-destructive behaviours.” Nisha Vinayak, a counselling psychologist who leads the Centre for Child and Adolescent Mental Health at The Banyan, feels that socio-economic factors, particularly income inequality, also contribute to increasing distress in kids.

Prevention is the key

Mental health problems in young children can often lead to long-term implications on their overall development. These signs manifest in impulsive behaviours, associated with feelings of confusion, sadness, or anger. Parents can play, a crucial role as suicide gatekeepers, by taking the lead in recognising when the child is emotionally distressed, is engaging in self-destructive behaviour, and knowing how to get help for their child. Cyali Maru, a parent educator from Mumbai, feels children’s needs, concerns, and knowledge vary according to their age. She suggests the use of what she calls as the 3Cs framework: create, connect, communicate. “Create an open space, where the child is comfortable interacting with you and asking questions. Connect with their feelings by understanding what they know and if they have the right kind of information on their emotions. Communicate better and effectively by taking cues from their non-verbal behaviour.” Sabharwal calls this emotionally attuned parenting and leaves us with a parting thought, “Attunement and attachment to parents is critical in helping children build emotional resilience, a healthy brain and healthy emotional coping skills.”