Conspiracy of silence

It has been a few deeply disturbing weeks of reading the deluge of horror pouring out of the Epstein files. But no matter how nauseous it makes me, I am alarmed that it does not surprise me. How much despair and cynicism I must hold in me to continue reading the testimonies with this stoicism! Like a person witnessing inevitable consequences of the savagery of power and normalisation of sexual abuse that we learn quite early in life. For if the Epstein files are the most expansive and utterly despicable show on earth of how rich entitled men wield power to enslave, humiliate and assault hundreds of women and children, they are also brutally honest evidences of our relationship of servitude with power and compromises we make with sexual abuse. But it starts much closer home than in elusive private islands of billionaires — in our own families, schools and workplaces, with the complicity of those who are meant to love and protect us. 

Every time we fail to respond to a child who is feeling uncomfortable with an adult and do not recognise the fear in their inability to express, we are disregarding their call for help against some kind of abuse. In our homes when women, and in rare occasions men, garner the courage to complain of sexual assaults by members or friends of the family we quickly drown them in consolatory mumbles and requests of silence for the sake of honour and harmony in the family. Sometimes the complainant is suspected to have an ulterior motive. In our attempts to maintain the status quo of family dynamics, these grievances are trivialised and forgotten. The survivor takes away three worthy lessons — nobody believes the survivor, power will always prevail, and the most heart-breaking of all — nobody really cares. For perpetrators too there are lessons — they will, most often, get their way and get away. The benefit of doubt will always be with them because they make the systems and they run it. Going back to the Epstein files, a single reading of the letter Noam Chomsky wrote to Jeffrey Epstein tells you who he chose to believe. 

Sexual interactions as power play

Our relationships with power and sexual abuse is further problematised through our encounters with sex in schools and colleges. Ideas received from pornography and popular culture are deeply mired in heteronormativity, patriarchy and prejudice. Girls are taught guilt and shame while boys are trained in power and authority. Neither is guided on the pleasures of intimacy. Sexual interactions become what men must do to prove their domination and women must endure to sustain relationships. Violence meted out and indignity suffered become embedded in experiences of sexual engagement. There is neither language nor space to articulate abuse let alone seek redressal. 

The impunity of power and normalisation of sexual abuse gets worse in workplaces. Here our submission to those in control is absolute since our prospects are tied to their endorsements. Complaints against sexual assaults are treated as ugly, embarrassing and vexing. A spoke in the wheel of smooth functioning. Those who complain are viewed as trouble makers, out to upset stability providing apple carts and swiftly termed ‘feminazis’ with unsubstantiated anger or scores to settle with men. They are squeezed out of social circles and often side-lined from career advancements. Those who maintain silences aligning with power are typically rewarded. The signal is clear — speak and be damned. In most cases the perpetrators suffer little or no consequences. What the MeToo movement made glaringly evident was the exemptions from penalties with which abusers continue to function, bolstered by protections of systems and networks. In the rarest of cases where they receive reprimand, they return to their social circuits in no time and are welcomed back. This is true of every world  — politics, business, the arts and culture, entertainment. When left liberal progressives criticise the garlanding of rapists by the right wing, they forget abusers amidst them that they have quietly reinstalled on pedestals.

For ‘the greater good’

We live in a world where women are continuously told, taught and forced to stay silent about sexual abuse because more than anything else, it is inconvenient. Women mustn’t complain because it ruins a man’s life and career; or the time is not right as we are in the process of fighting bigger battles; or the man is an artist, athlete, or industrialist making glorious contributions to society. Women mustn’t complain because their silence is for the greater good. And powerful men, the ‘greater good’, knows they have boundless impunity. Horrified as we are with the Epstein files, these men are the ‘greater good’, across business, politics, sports and culture, these are men we have celebrated for their power and success. Their rich lives and ruthless conquests of the world are legends of aspiration not warnings to beware of. We have seldom questioned the consequences of their actions in any sphere or asked about the impact on the affected. The survivors of the Epstein files spoke of their abuse for decades and no one listened. Let that sink in. It is therefore not a shocker that these men have not just committed sexual atrocities on hundreds but violated all limits of human depravity. Simply because they could and the world acquiesced. 

I stay awake with the nightmares of the Epstein files as they continue to cascade into our lives. All I see is our complicity in creating a world order that enables this monstrosity. How shall we heal these wounds, dismantle the systems, rebuild from scratch – I am engulfed with questions I cannot answer. May be starting to question power inside the four walls of our homes is the only place to begin. 

(This column navigates the various worlds of entangled relationships attempting to celebrate, cope with, and reimagine the meanings of our connections. Arundhati Ghosh is a writer, cultural practitioner, social activist, and traveller. All Our Loves: Journeys with Polyamory in India is her first book in English published by Aleph Book Company in 2025.) 

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