Broken promises: Rape on 'pretext of marriage' India's most reported category

The courts in various scenarios have noted that sexual intercourse under false promise of marriage is intentional, wrong, and exploitative. Some people argue against calling it rape, as it is consensual. Several legal experts have debated and researched whether to consider sex between two consenting adults on the pretext of marriage as rape. ‘Consent’ is the keyword here; a common thread observed is that ‘intent’ matters. 

When marriage becomes a moral loophole

Indian culture creates a dangerous psychological loophole. Society is still conservative when it comes to matters of sex and sexuality. Moreover, here, virginity is considered a gift to the husband during marriage. 

Since pre-marital sex is still socially shamed, the promise of marriage becomes a morally right way to seek consent. “I will marry you, so this is okay.” The perpetrator’s distortion becomes: “She agreed.” The deeper emotional dependence that formed the base of her decision is sidelined, Aditi Kumar, psychologist, Artemis Hospital, Delhi, explains. 

The incidence of rape cases in India, according the NCRB 2024 report.

The psychological aftermath 

The complexity of these matters transcends into the minds of women who fall for these false promises. Many survivors choose silence. With time, the trauma of purposeful deception by their partner becomes multi-layered. 

Her body starts keeping score. Kumar explains, “Many women face panic attacks, sleepless nights, depression, sexual fear, lack of trust, or suicidal thoughts.” They blame themselves for the incident and wonder if anyone would believe them. 

Family and societal pressure become a second wound. When a survivor is told to stay quiet, reconcile, or adjust, her brain starts believing that her pain is less important than her family’s reputation. “Psychologically, this deepens shame, freezes disclosure, increases self-doubt, and can make the survivor feel responsible for everyone else’s emotional comfort,” Kumar adds. 

Why do survivors struggle to identify abuse?

A lot of survivors struggle to identify it as abuse because their relationships rarely felt harmful at the time. “The genuine affection, emotional intimacy, and future planning make the reality deeply confusing,” Ankita R Gupta, psychologist and founder, Mannchit, a mental health organisation, says. Survivors tend to dismiss discomfort, question their own reactions, or convince themselves that what happened was simply “part of the relationship.”

Thoughts like, “But he loved me,” or “We were planning a future together,” can create cognitive dissonance, that is, the difficulty of holding both attachment and harm together at the same time, Gupta explains.  

These crimes are not solely driven by uncontrolled desire. Kumar explains: “There are deep-rooted patterns of entitlement, lack of empathy, coercive control, misogynistic beliefs, manipulation tactics.” Some men believe that their partners “owe it to them.” 

Consent beyond ‘yes’ or ‘no’

A study by the Journal of Positive School Psychology questions whether sexual intercourse on the false pretext of marriage always constitutes rape. The Indian courts have dealt with this question for years now. The answer is that it varies from case to case. The journal notes that many times, a man is falsely accused, but that can never overpower the claims of many survivors who experienced anger and trauma. 

The high incidence of these cases in India reflects a larger gap in how intimacy, consent, and emotional responsibility are understood in relationships, Gupta says. Consent is limited to a simple “yes” or “no” without much stress on emotional pressure, manipulation, coercion, or accountability. 

Many youngsters are not taught healthy models of communication, rejection, emotional regulation, or conflict resolution. This results in masculinity shaping into entitlement, or emotional suppression, rather than empathy or emotional responsibility. 

Marriage is closely tied to social acceptance and emotional security; the promise can hold strong psychological weight, Gupta feels. This makes it difficult for people to recognise manipulation. 

It reflects deeper gaps in gender socialisation, emotional understanding, and how relationships are shaped in our culture. We need consent conversations that go beyond the legal lens and include emotional, ethical, and relational understanding. There is also an urgent need to create early spaces where young people can learn emotional responsibility in relationships, not just rules of consent, but how power, trust, and pressure actually play out in real-life situations. 

Until that changes, the promise of marriage will continue to be used as a weapon, and survivors will carry the weight of someone else’s deception.