Divorce rates high but less fraught

Couples are eager to move on, and prioritise their career growth and happiness, say lawyers

The recent suicide of four men allegedly due to harassment from their estranged wives, has sparked fresh discussions about divorce.

Bengaluru-based lawyers, activists and divorcees say the stigma around divorce has come down drastically in the past 10 years.

When advocate B N Nagaraja began practising in 1999, divorce cases were few. “Earlier, there was a stigma attached to divorce. Couples often stayed in unhappy marriages due to societal pressure or fear of being judged,” he remarks.

He also highlights that growing financial independence, especially among women, has played a pivotal role in this change. Citing statistics, he notes, “In 2013, there were 2,100 divorce cases disposed of in Bengaluru. From 2013 to 2024, about 45,000 cases have been disposed of in the city alone.”

Lack of intimacy

Apart from personality differences and women feeling more empowered, a major reason for divorce is lack of intimacy, he reveals. “The husbands are unable to make time for intimacy due to work stress and long work hours. Often, this forms the basis of conflict,” Nagaraja says.

A majority of his clients are keen to “move on”, says advocate Indra Dhanush. Most divorce proceedings are smooth, especially when both spouses are working and financially independent. “Even when we point out the benefits that the wife can claim, they decide not to. They are eager to get on with their lives, and prefer to focus on their career and happiness,” he says.

Things turn ugly only when one of them is financially or emotionally dependent on the other, or if the divorce is due to harassment and clashes of ego. “In such cases, the victim intends to fight for justice,” he explains. In his experience, he has seen a 10-20% rise in divorce cases in the past decade.

Divorce is more common among the upper middle classes, says women’s rights activist Brinda Adige. “Middle class and lower middle class women are still reluctant to seek divorce due to the stigma associated with it in their circles,” she states.

Brinda works with victims of domestic violence and harassment. In a month, 15 to 18 women approach her for help. Of this number only four end up filing for divorce, she says. “Most of these women earn nothing less than Rs 40,000 a month, and yet find it tough to leave their husbands,” she says. 

In her experience, younger women are more confident about seeking divorce. “Women over 35, especially those with children, are more sceptical about their future and finding companionship,” she says. 

A 38-year-old victim of domestic violence has a black belt in karate. “She has been married for 18 years, has a child and even conducts karate classes for kids daily. Her husband beats her up, and she refuses to retaliate. She also does not want to leave her husband as she does not want her child to grow up without a father,” Brinda says.

More acceptable

Forty-one-year-old Teresa S (name changed) moved to the US with her husband in 2009. He began to abuse her not long after the wedding. She returned to Bengaluru in 2012, and filed for a divorce. She was divorced three years later.  Following the divorce, her parents and extended family stopped talking to her.

She joined a number of informal support groups that helped her. “Back then I faced a lot of judgement and stigma. Now, people are more accepting of my status as a divorcee. I am convinced that my ex-husband had some form of mental illness. I also feel the awareness around mental illness has helped people understand that it is not easy to live with someone with mental illness, especially when it manifests as physical violence,” she says. 

A software professional in her late 40s got divorced in 2020, after 20 years of marriage. “I did not face judgement, nor did I receive advice telling me to make the marriage work,” she says. She faced harassment from her husband and in-laws as she had given birth to two daughters.

“Ten to 15 years ago, it was not easy to talk about divorce. It has become much more acceptable now, especially in Bengaluru. In smaller towns the stigma is still quite real,” she explains. 

Apex court guidelines

The Arnesh Kumar judgement, 2014, resulted in significant changes to section 498A of the IPC (section 85 of BNS) (cruelty towards a woman by her husband or the husband’s family). The Supreme Court issued guidelines to the police with regard to the arrest and detention of the husband and his relatives (accused).

“Prior to the judgement, a woman could file a case of 498A IPC at a police station which would automatically result in the arrest of her husband and relatives, subjecting them to harassment. Post the issuance of the guidelines by apex court and various high courts, the police have drastically reduced arbitrary arrests,” Indra Dhanush shares.