'Lifestyle upgrades': Rise in dowry-related complaints; demands centred on expensive gadgets, vehicles

Bengaluru women’s groups say they are seeing a rise in dowry-related complaints, particularly among couples married for one to five years, with demands increasingly centred on expensive gadgets, vehicles and other lifestyle upgrades.

Recent alleged dowry-related deaths in Greater Noida, Bengaluru and Bhopal have once again drawn attention to dowry-linked abuse across the country. Against this backdrop, the National Crime Records Bureau’s (NCRB) Crime in India 2024 report placed Bengaluru under scrutiny, with the city recording 878 complaints under the Dowry Prohibition Act in 2024, accounting for nearly 87% of such cases registered across metropolitan cities.

Activists and women’s groups working with survivors say the numbers may also reflect higher awareness and better access to support systems in Bengaluru than in many other cities.

Pragya Prasun Singh, founder of Atijeevan Foundation, which works with women facing domestic abuse and marital violence, says greater employment opportunities and financial independence in metro cities are giving women more confidence to leave abusive marriages and seek help. She estimates cases handled by her organisation rose by 20-30% over the last five years, with a noticeable increase during the Covid-19 pandemic.

“While the number seems shocking, it is at the same time understandable,” says Pragya, attributing it to Bengaluru’s relatively strong ecosystem of NGOs, legal aid services, helplines and citizen support networks.

Early marriage years

Activists say many dowry-linked complaints emerge within the first few years of marriage, especially among women in their 20s and early 30s. “Most cases emerge within the first three to five years,” says Pragya, adding that women are often initially told to “adjust” because they are “still settling in”.

According to Tabassum Ara, coordinator with Vimochana, nearly 70-80% of the organisation’s dowry-related complaints involve marriages within the first five years. “Families often try to patch things up by giving whatever is demanded once. But once demands are fulfilled, the cycle repeats,” she says.

Priya Varadharajan, founder of Durga India, says younger women today are more aware that they can seek help and survive independently if needed. Nearly 50-60% of complaints reaching her organisation involve women aged 25 to 30, many of whom now choose to leave abusive marriages sooner than women did earlier.

‘More sophisticated’

Activists say dowry in urban India has evolved into subtler, more socially acceptable forms, with families pressured into financing lavish weddings, luxury vehicles, flats or expensive honeymoon packages. “Many families take loans, sell land or drain savings to meet such expectations,” says Pragya. She adds that middle-class families are often pressured over housing or debt, while wealthier households face demands tied to luxury and status.

In one case handled by Durga India, a young woman who fought to continue working after marriage was later pressured to hand over her entire salary to her husband. “She realised she had no agency over the money she earned herself,” says Priya.

Unemployment a factor

Tabassum says changing economic realities are also shaping demands. “Earlier, people would openly ask for dowry. Today, there are demands for the latest laptop or iPhone, or ‘I lost my job, ask your father to help me start a business’,” she says.

She adds that social comparison and rising lifestyle expectations often drive financial pressure within marriages. In one recent case, a family allegedly demanded the woman’s “property share”, including a helicopter.

While physical violence continues in some cases, activists say emotional abuse linked to dowry has become increasingly common. “The man may not hit her, but he will stop talking to her, stop sleeping in the same room, or stop allowing her to visit her parents,” says Tabassum.

In one case she handled, a marriage remained unconsummated for four years while the woman endured emotional neglect and pressure linked to dowry demands. “She knew her parents could not afford more demands, so she kept quiet,” she adds.

Survivors speak

Sairah K (name changed), a tech professional currently in the process of divorce after an 11-year abusive marriage, says financial control and secrecy were among the earliest warning signs she overlooked. “His money was his money, but my money, my parents’ money, and even gifts given to me were treated as his,” she says.

Despite working with major MNCs, she says she hesitated to speak up, fearing judgement and social stigma, and describes navigating the legal system as “chaotic” and emotionally draining. “The moment you realise something is wrong, speak up and seek help,” she says.

Karthika Raj (name changed), an English teacher who married her college sweetheart, says she initially dismissed her husband’s repeated demands for new gadgets as “a passing phase”. “When he demanded that I ask my parents to transfer money every month for ‘extra expenses’, I decided to end the marriage,” she says. Karthika is now separated from her husband of three years and has filed for divorce.

Both women say early warning signs can include emotional withdrawal, women becoming unusually quiet, husbands refusing to accompany them even to their parents’ homes, and in-laws distancing themselves from the woman’s family.