‘Pre-marital sex is normal, but be cautious’: Counsellors report spike in teen sexual activity, parents sound alarm

The topic of whether or not pre-marital sex is acceptable in Indian society has reared its head again. Social media is abuzz with observations on the topic, which has been in the news of late.

City-based relationship counsellors and sex therapists note that in reality, sex before marriage is normalised, especially in cities. Sunil John, a relationship counsellor with over 15 years of experience, says, “What I have observed with my clients is that, in almost all relationships across all age groups, sex is a given. My clients who are in relationships and do not indulge in sex are probably in single digits.” He adds that it has become increasingly common in the last 10-15 years. 

After age 18, it is healthy to explore one’s sexuality, provided it is consensual and not a mere ‘body count’. A Gen Z term for the number of people one has slept with, ‘body count’ is a disturbing trend, he notes.

“The higher one’s body count, the higher their value,” John says, of a term that peaked in 2020, driven by social media platforms. “It has been proven through many studies that the higher the number of people one has sex with, the more difficult it is to maintain a healthy relationship when one wants to settle down,” he explains. 

Another disturbing trend he has seen is an increase in school children indulging in sexual activity. He warns that before the age of 18, teens are not mentally or physically equipped to handle sex. “Parents have brought in their teenage kids after they were found having physical relations with the opposite sex,” he reveals. In a recent case, a high school girl was found in her boyfriend’s apartment one morning. “She had snuck out at night to spend the night with the boy and they had fallen asleep, only to be found together in the morning by the boy’s parents”. 

Counsellor Maullika Sharma notes that while it is normalised, in her experience, women are more emotionally damaged than men when such relationships end. 

Gynaecologists and sex therapists, however, urge caution before proceeding with physical intimacy. Dr Hemavathi Srinivasan, a gynecologist practicing near several colleges, says she has seen a 20-30% rise over the past decade in young unmarried women seeking care for issues like vaginal discharge and itching, sometimes linked to sexual activity. She emphasises that a doctor’s role is to focus on health, and not judge. “We cannot assume that youngsters will abstain, so the priority should be education on safe sex and responsible behaviour,” she says.

She strongly advises consistent use of protection and recommends HPV vaccination — ideally between ages 9 and 14, with catch-up vaccination up to age 26 — as an essential step in preventing cervical cancer and other HPV-related diseases.

According to Dr Sandip Deshpande, a sexologist, it comes down to personal choice. “We get couples who come to us because they want to be celibate until marriage. Or who are okay with outer course, but want to avoid intercourse until things are official,” he explains.