When caring for plants becomes a mask: The disturbing questions raised by Twisha Sharma case

The death of a 33-year-old Twisha Sharma has become the focus of interest for the entire country. The young bride sparked a nationwide outrage after she was found dead by hanging at her matrimonial house in Bhopal and allegedly under suspicious circumstances.

Since her demise, her mother-in-law Giribala Singh, who is a retired district sessions court judge and also a suspected accused in the case alongside her son Samarth Singh, became loud, geared up and started to verbally bullet the deceased with harsh remarks, detailing how Twisha felt short of becoming an ‘ideal bahu.’

Among the many allegations she threw upon the deceased, one was apparently too frivolous and in no time turned into a rage bait all over the social media – “She never used to water the plants,” said Giribala Singh with less to no out front remorse for the human loss.

Giribala went ahead in describing how she herself was so fond of plants that she tried to protect them even when police started to cordon off the house for further investigation.

As of now, as per the directives of the Supreme Court, the case has been handed over to the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) for further probe. 

In an observation, it has been found that many people find it easier to show affection towards plants, pets and even strangers than openly becoming expressive to their own loved ones.

Speaking to DH,  Dr. Munia Bhattacharya, a senior psychologist at Marengo Asia Hospitals (Gurugram) provided a psychological insight into this emotional maze.

‘Kindness is easy where there is no emotional risk’

While understanding why it is easy for people to show love to plants, animals and even strangers but hardest when it comes to loved ones, the mental health expert called it ‘emotional convenience’ or keeping a safe distance to a connection that can demand emotional work.

She explained that all intimate, emotional relationships demand accountability and this becomes the hardest part. These connections require emotional maturity, empathy, patience, self reflection and the ability to tolerate discomfort in everyday life.

“A plant will never confront your ego. A pet will never question your emotional inconsistency. But a spouse, a daughter in law, a son or parent eventually will and many people are emotionally unequipped for that kind of intimacy,” said Dr. Bhattacharya.

The expert explained how society values visible compassion or performative compassion which may or may not be a direct reflection of a person’s intrinsic values.

“Feeding strays, nurturing plants, posting motivational quotes and appearing soft spoken publicly creates an identity of being a ‘good person’ but the emotional depth and availability of a person is most accurately assessed by how the person is with his or her immediate family, within the four walls,” added Dr. Bhattacharya.

In an observation, she said many families, particularly in India, hide emotional violence behind defensive vocabulary and thereby making it hard for the victim to recognise the abusive pattern or seek help for it.

“Many harmful emotions are normalised in an abusive household and there comes a point where emotional neglect is not even considered a harm. Sarcasm becomes discipline, humiliation becomes concern, control becomes love and silence is substituted for adjustment. Over time, people stop recognising emotional violence because it leaves no visible scars,” said Dr. Bhattacharya.

To conclude, the mental health expert said that Twisha’s case is forcing society to confront a difficult truth — a person can appear deeply caring to the world and still be emotionally unavailable or damaging within intimate relationships.

Also, empathy is not measured by how someone chooses to touch a plant or comfort a pet, it is measured by how safe one person makes another human feel in their presence, she further added.