Why do people 'future fake' in early stages of connection?

A partner repeatedly postponing the wedding plan by a year so they could make more money for the event or a company promising a hike each year without ever giving it — future faking happens in all kinds of relationships, romantic, professional or platonic.

A sense of control in life has been found needful for mental and physical well being of the person, however, it also exists on a wide spectrum, from being harmless to moving into unhealthy territory where it starts to hamper the well being of others. At this point, it becomes a control tactic or manipulation. 

Future faking, as recognised by mental health experts, comes under the category of malevolent control.

As per Psychology Today, future faking is a tactic used by people to make others believe they are planning a future with them so that they can outsource something from them in the present. 

Experts count this tendency as a ‘manipulative’ control tactic, causing harm to the well being of others.

Why do people fake the future?

Having control over one’s life or exercising some agency in making life decisions is an important aspect of mental health. 

However, an intense fear of losing control over life situations can make people manipulate others to get what they want. At this point, it becomes malefic and can contribute to emotional abuse which increases one’s risk of developing anxiety, depression and other long term problems.

While future faking is identified as a trending phenomenon in romantic dating, psychologists often see it as a tactic to create false hope, emotional dependency and exercise control.

Speaking to DH, Chetna Luthra, a clinical psychologist at Marengo Asia Hospitals (Gurugram) said: “Control tactics are not always obvious, most of these operate through emotional pressure or imbalance of power. Future faking keeps a person invested through promises of change, loyalty or success that may never actually happen. These tactics are not limited to romantic relationships but even take place in friendships, families or workplaces. The main purpose is mostly to influence behaviour, maintain control, secure emotional dominance and influence one’s independent decisions.”

As per experts, people who make future fake promises want to manipulate the other person into believing they are more invested in the connection than they actually are.

Speaking to Very Well Mind, a clinical psychotherapist associated future faking to narcissism where to avoid feelings of abandonment or rejection, one might try to create false hope in another person. 

When one constantly lies to the other person, their trust tends to erode over a period of time and damage their self esteem, experts have said.

Speaking to DH, Dr. Rahul Chandhok, Head Consultant, Mental Health and Behavioural Science at Artemis Hospitals said: “When a person gives false hope to the other person, it can keep them stuck in a state of confusion, insecurity and hurt for extended periods. This is detrimental to their mental health.”

Also, future faking can happen in professional settings where a business can lure a person with massive deals or promises of success which never arrives. In romantic connections, it can show up as an intense show of emotions at the beginning of a relationship to create emotional dependency in the victim.