Why do some Indian children rank poorly in self esteem? Expert weighs in the gap

The way a growing child feels about themselves can affect almost every decision they make later in life. There is a growing wellness industry, particularly on social media, which is dedicated to raising awareness about the concept of self esteem in people.

The American Psychological Association defines self esteem as the degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in one’s self concept are perceived to be positive.

Every person perceives themselves in a certain light, it could be positive or negative. This could be how one thinks about their body image, how they feel about the achievements they had in school or a job, it could also be about how a person grades themselves on goodness and the list is endless. It could be literally anything from common preferences to existential choices.

There is a documented correlation between low self esteem and increased risk for mood disorders, addictions and academic stress among younger adults.

Studies conducted across Indian states have shown that many adolescents battle a fragile and low self esteem, including those in Bengaluru.

Why is self esteem ignored at home?

As per William James (a popular literary author), self esteem is both a stable and unstable trait and fluctuates in response to good or bad events.

In modern terminology when a person’s self worth depends on external forces or social validation, it is called contingent self esteem or one which is conditional in nature. 

As per experts, many Indian families build a child’s sense of worth around physical accolades such as grades, wealth and social image and seldom around intrinsic values. 

“Looking at how other students celebrated their results, I felt my parents' response was a little disappointing. I got 99.4 percent which is good. After I got home, we didn’t celebrate much either,” wrote an adolescent on Reddit in 2025. 

The post invited mixed remarks where some called it as parental neglect and others sided with the parents, saying they weren’t attaching the child’s self worth to the grades.

Likewise, speaking to DH, Dr Munia Bhattacharya, a senior clinical psychologist at Marengo Asia Hospitals (Gurugram) reiterated the account of an adolescent who had associated self worth with good academic performance.

“I remember a young boy, a first bencher student with fancy grades. He once opened up to me and shared how everyone called him an ideal son. However, this very boy didn’t know who he was without those marks,” said Dr. Bhattacharya. 

She said many Indian families are raising successful children who feel empty inside.

The expert further explained how some families take self esteem as defiance or arrogance and this causes the children to learn that forming a self concept is to go against authority.

“Children are snubbed when they say they want to do something in their way. At this point, they are not being difficult. They are just exploring what they like or who they want to be,” said Dr. Bhattacharya. 

Sometimes, a lack of self worth in a child is the result of unintentional neglect from the parent. Some experts feel constantly comparing a child with others could reinforce a belief in them that they aren’t enough.

Speaking to DH, Dr. Pavitra Shankar, a psychiatrist at Aakash Healthcare (Dwarka) said: “There is an intrinsic tendency in Indian parents to compare the achievements of their child with other kids, siblings, cousins and even neighbours. They might think it is a harmless method to boost healthy competition but it fosters self doubt and insecurities among them.”

As per experts, self esteem is built in ordinary moments where a child is listened to with attention, corrected without humiliation and when they are shown love irrespective of how well they perform in real life.