Why more B'lureans are looking outside marriage

Relationship experts cite emotional gaps, work stress and migration as key drivers reshaping how urban couples navigate marriage.

Extramarital relationships are seeing a steady rise in Bengaluru, driven by a mix of work-related exhaustion, emotional disconnection, and the lack of family support systems, say relationship experts.

A recent report by extramarital dating app Gleeden states that Bengaluru is its largest market in India, accounting for about 18% of its 4 million users, ahead of Hyderabad, Delhi, and Mumbai.

Explaining the trend, Sybil Shiddell, country manager (India), says, “The city’s cosmopolitan culture, demanding work schedules, and exposure to global ideas contribute to higher usage. Plus, there is a greater acceptance of evolving relationship norms.”

Experts point to the pressures of urban life as a key trigger. Clinical psychologist and couple and sex therapist Dr Meghna Singhal says, “Long hours, long commutes, and constant stress leave very little emotional bandwidth. Couples often end up living parallel lives rather than shared, intimate ones.” Over time, she adds, this leads to “chronic under-connection”, where partners drift apart without any major conflict.

‘Away from home’

Bengaluru’s large migrant workforce plays a significant role, with many living away from partners due to work, according to the data from the app. This distance, combined with demanding careers, often creates emotional gaps and drives people to seek connections outside their immediate circles, it adds.

Rehabilitation counsellor Nithya J Rao adds that much of the city’s population lives away from family and traditional support systems. “There is loneliness, and fewer safe spaces to process it.”

At the same time, urban life offers unprecedented opportunities to meet like-minded people. “In a city like Bengaluru, you can find your ‘tribe’ easily through social spaces and shared interests,” she says.

Dr Meghna also points to what she calls “roommate marriages” — “functional, but emotionally disconnected” — driven by a gap between expectations and the skills needed to sustain them.

Gender dynamics

Nationally, Gleeden has about 65 per cet men and 35 per cet women users, with women users growing by 148 per cent in the last two years. Bengaluru accounts for 24 per cent of its female user base in India. “The city’s progressive environment, financial independence among women, and awareness of privacy-focused platforms contribute to this,” says Sybil.

Psychotherapist Tasneem Nakhoda notes a shift in how men and women engage with relationships. “With greater awareness, women are becoming more attuned to their emotional needs. They are more likely to express what they feel, and seek fulfilment,” she says. On the other hand, she says men “may take longer to articulate their needs, which can create communication gaps”.

‘What ifs’ drive them

Psychotherapist Sowmya Puttaraju, with over 25 years of experience, says it is not necessarily the number of extramarital relationships that has increased, but the “admission of it”.

With adultery no longer a criminal offence in India, such relationships are increasingly seen as a personal choice rather than a legal transgression.

“A consistent factor is a low tolerance for unhappiness in long-term relationships. This is not always about abuse or conflict, but about routine. When there are no sparks or constant excitement, it is often seen as something being wrong,” she says.

Many begin to look outside not because the relationship is broken, but because it feels ordinary. She likens many such interactions to “window shopping”. “There is curiosity, the pull of ‘what if’. Once the initial phase passes, it also becomes routine.” 

Age range

Most experts Metrolife spoke to say extramarital relationships cut across age groups. App data shows users are largely between 25 and 40, and they are predominantly working professionals from corporate sectors. However, Sowmya notes these relationships are not confined to any one demographic. “Older individuals may simply be more discreet due to social expectations,” she says.