Why people die by suicide over small fights in relationships? Experts reveal deeper problem

Several cases of people committing suicide over petty fights in their marriages are being reported. But experts believe the problem lies much deeper and stems from years of trauma and tell you what does the law say in such cases.

A petty fight with husband over three-day-old stale sambar and the wife ends her life by drinking pesticide. Sounds like an overly dramatic scene from a movie or, specifically, a daily soap, right? What if we tell you that it's a real and recent incident.

Who would have thought a small dispute could claim a young life?

Recently, a 27-year-old Bengaluru woman did exactly this.

And this is not just an one-off instance. In yet another shocker, last December, a woman had allegedly died by suicide by consuming poison after a fight with her husband over posting a reel on Instagram.

There's more. A couple in Karnataka's Mandya killed themselves just a few days ago over marital dispute by hanging themselves from a ceiling fan while leaving behind a two-year-old daughter.

But where does the problem lay? What makes people take their lives because of what can be tagged as "minor" disputes?

Experts believe the problem lies much deeper and stems from years of trauma.

"Suicide usually results from a state of depression, low self-esteem and a process of self- directed anger. People who commit suicide often have lower activity of the neurotransmitter serotonin," Dr Sugami Ramesh, Clinical Psychologist, Apollo Hospitals, Bengaluru, said.

Some of the participating factors in suicide, she said, are stressful events and situations, mood and thought changes, consumption of alcohol, and mental disorders.

Pulkit Sharma, a clinical psychologist, said people who take their own lives over fight with their spouse usually do so as a result of facing years of problems.

"What usually looks like a petty fight can mean something more serious to a person who is already dealing with some kind of troubles in their marriage, including abuse," Sharma said.

Sometimes, the reason for suicids is constant fights with the spouse while other times it could be because of a possible mental health disorder in a person.

"A lot of people still don't open up about mental health issues. And god forbid if they want to, the people around them, including husband and in-laws will brush them off as mere over-reactions. The root cause is never solved, or even addressed, in such cases, which leads to years of stored anger, frustration and a feeling of hopelessness. And once extreme hopelessness takes over, a person becomes more vulnerable to committing suicide," Sharma explained.

Moreover, past trauma, constant blame-game, excessive fights in marriages, nit-picking each other's mistakes and lack of understanding and feeling loved could all trigger mental health disorders, including suicidal thoughts, if not prevented and treated in-time.

As per a report by NIH's National Library of Medicine, suicide fatality rate was higher in married people compared to unmarried.

Not only this, but several researches have shown that "women who have experienced domestic and caregiving burden in higher amount have reported poorer physical health and also higher rates of depression and anxiety".

"Traditionally, women have been the primary caregivers to a complete family. While things are slowly changing in urban areas, there's still a long way to. And when we put so much of mental and physical pressure on women what do we expect? With no one to share their burden, several small disputes in marriages sometimes become so big that people tend to take drastic steps," Sharma emphasized.

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Ramesh, who come across several such cases on a regular basis say that the main idea is to find the root cause of the problem.

"We do come across people who are overwhelmed with problems and leading a stressful lifestyle. We go to the root cause of the issues and their problems. We direct them to look for better options rather than taking a drastic step," Ramesh explained.

She added that in such cases therapy, often, proves to be beneficial. "The goal of therapy after an attempted suicide is to help the client achieve a non-suicidal state of mind and develop more constructive ways of handling stress and solving problems," Ramesh said.

To reduce the number of suicide cases, she said, the prevention programs should be effective for educating the public to seek supportive help as early as possible.

But what does the law say here?

If a spouse dies by suicide, does the other faces charges? If not, what happens to them?

"In situations where a person dies by suicidefollowing a domestic quarrel, such as the recently reported Bengaluru incident, the law does not automatically impose criminal liability on the spouse. Indian criminal law requires proof of abetment of suicide, and the evidentiary threshold for this offence is deliberately stringent."

Pooja Sareen, advocate in High Courts and Supreme Court.

She added that courts have repeatedly emphasised that ordinary domestic disagreements, momentary quarrels, or emotional conflicts cannot automatically be treated as criminal abetment.

"The husband may be questioned, investigated, or even charged, but prosecution depends entirely on the facts uncovered during investigation," Sareen said.

In most such cases, the police examine the matter under the following provisions, as listed by Sareen.

1. Section 108 BNS – Abetment of Suicide

To establish liability under Section 108 BNS, the prosecution must prove the elements of abetment, namely instigation, conspiracy, or intentional aid.

2. Section 85 BNS – Cruelty by Husband or Relatives

If investigation reveals continuous mental or physical cruelty, police may also register an offence under Section 85 BNS.

However, courts have consistently held that isolated marital disagreements or routine friction in married life do not amount to cruelty under criminal law.

3. Presumption under Section 113A of the Evidence Act

Where a married woman commits suicide within seven years of marriage, and evidence shows cruelty by the husband or his relatives, Section 113A of the Evidence Act allows the court to presume abetment of suicide.

However, this presumption is discretionary, not mandatory.

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Sareen, while quoting the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB)'s “Accidental Deaths and Suicides in India” report said that "family problems and marital disputes consistently rank among the leading recorded causes of suicide".

"Consequently, only a small proportion of suicide cases result in prosecution or conviction, because courts insist on strict proof of intentional instigation and causal connection," she said.

Particularly noting the Mandya case, Sareen said, under the Guardians and Wards Act, 1890, close relatives such as grandparents, uncles, or aunts may approach the competent court to be appointed as the legal guardian of the minor child, as in this case is the 2-year-old girl.

"The guiding principle in such matters is the welfare of the child," Sareen noted.

And if no suitable guardian is available, Sareen said, the child may be declared a “child in need of care and protection” under the Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Act, 2015.

"In such circumstances, the Child Welfare Committee (CWC) may place the child in foster care, institutional care, or adoption through the Central Adoption Resource Authority," Sareen concluded.

(Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is battling suicidal thoughts or suffering from any other mental health disorder, seek immediate help by reaching out to a psychologist or your loved ones.

Call toll-free numbers 14416 or 1-800 891 4416 (Government’s Tele Manas mental health helpline) or 9152987821 (Sneha Suicide Prevention Helpline))