JOIN USBengaluru No. 1 in infidelity
Extra-marital affairs are increasingly common in Bengaluru, earning it the dubious distinction of being the “country’s infidelity capital”.
A survey conducted by Gleeden, a dating app for extra-marital affairs, found that 1.35 lakh Bengalureans have registered on the site, the highest for any city in the country. Of these, 43,200 are women (‘looking for freedom and excitement’ outside their marriage) and 91,800 are men.
Of six lakh subscribers on the site, 27 per cent of total active users are from Bengaluru; with the men-women ratio being 32:68, a Gleeden representative told Metrolife.
Bengaluru users spend an average of 1.5 hours a day on chat , and connect mostly between 12 pm and 3 pm (during and after the lunch break), and between 10 pm and midnight, when the spouse is distracted or asleep.
In general, male users look for women between 24 and 30, while women prefer older partners between 31 and 40. The men are “open to everything” and mostly look for “anything exciting”, while women are more cautious and mostly prefer “virtual” exchanges.
More than a reflection of the lifestyle of Bengalureans, it could be an indication of the fact that the city has the most tech-savvy people, says Shreya Chatterjee, consultant psychologist, Mindscape Clinic.
“People here use more apps than people in other metros. Which could be the reason for city numbers on the app being so high,” she says.
This reasoning was also reflected in the reactions of social media users to the survey, with some pointing out that ‘it is unfair to call the city the ‘infidelity capital of India’ since people could be having affairs in other cities without using the website.’ However, if the number of extra-marital relationships in Bengaluru are indeed at such a high, Shreya can think of a number of reasons. “Usually both partners are working. So long hours, combined with the long traffic jams in Bengaluru and frequent business trips, can lead to people not spending quality time with their partners,” she says.
Can infidelity be a way Indian women are asserting their independence, considering how society expects them to be sacrificing and adjusting?
“Not really,” says Shreya. “I hardly think when women have affairs, it is about rebellion. From my experience, they go in for this when they are not happy with their marriage. The strong ethical, socially-induced moral values that women from previous generations had to live with are not there today, which probably makes it somewhat easier for women,” she says.
Why spouses cheat
Gleeden, an international site that says it is run by a 100 per cent all-women team, calls itself India’s first extra-marital dating website. It invites people to “taste adultery and try a discreet relationship.”
In April, the website conducted a survey across India, asking men and women why they cheated on their partners and what the consequences were. Some findings:
Seven out of 10 women said they cheated because their husbands weren’t involved in domestic chores.
A good 72 per cent of Indians surveyed didn’t regret their decision to cheat.
77 per cent of Indian women cheated because they said marriage had become monotonous.
Since Article 377 was revoked, Gleeden says it found a 45 per cent increase in same-sex encounters among married people.
Four out of 10 women revealed flirting with a stranger actually led to greater intimacy with the husband.
31 per cent of Indian women who admitted to extra-marital affairs said they had cheated earlier with a neighbour.
52 per cent of women and 57 per cent of men cheated during business trips.
Members on sites like Gleeden haven’t registered just for a thrill. The survey revealed 34 per cent of online encounters on Gleeden in India lead to a date within 10 days.
What makes Bengaluru ‘infidelity capital’
Both spouses work and are away from each other.
City is net-savyy, comfortable with dating apps.
Spouses go on frequent business trips.
Story of Gurugram woman in Bengaluru
A young MNC professional in the city tells Metrolife about the time he inadvertently dated a married woman.
“I met a woman through a dating app and a day after I spent the night at her place, I found out she was married. She didn’t tell me directly, her husband’s name slipped into one of our conversations,” he says.
“Her husband worked for a reputed company in Gurugram. She was a hotelier who had come for a six-month assignment to Bengaluru. The last week of her stay was when we met. I guess she wanted to do this before she left,” he says.
“When I asked her why she was doing this, she asked me how she was expected to keep her family happy if she herself wasn’t happy? From the way she spoke, I realised she was in a difficult relationship with her husband and was not satisfied in any aspect. She was trying to make herself happy so that she could discharge her marital duties once she got back home,” he reasons.
Though the woman did contact him again later, he didn’t go to meet her. “I was scared. What if her husband found out? I didn’t want to be at the receiving end of a crime of passion,” he says.
He matched with another married woman on Tinder. “I felt she was just trying to have a conversation. Her husband too travelled a lot; that’s a common thing between these two women I noticed. But since I found out she was married, I didn’t take the conversation forward,” he says.