JOIN USCity’s single moms beat multiple odds
Single mothers in Bengaluru face insensitive questions when they seek accommodation and are often forced to deal with nosy acquaintances.
Yet, many say, it is not a bad city for those living independent lives.
Kanika S, communications professional, has a five-year-old daughter Spoorthika. For her, finding a house has always been a challenge.
“We stayed earlier in Jayanagar and the owners were very cooperative. But after we moved from there, because of my job, I’ve had to move four times,” she says.
Whenever she raises concerns over a broken window grill or something that calls for replacement, the landlords judge her on her marital status and describe her as ‘demanding.’
Her child’s kindergarten admission wasn’t easy either.
“I had to move him from one school to another as the teachers there would advise him to coax me to bring my former partner to school,” she says.
She has found a group online that helps support single parents in the city. “Things are slowly getting better,” she adds.
Time is a constraint for single parents, observes Kakoli Das, manager (merchandise planning and allocation), and mother to three children, Reet, Rish and Ridhaan. She’s been a single parent for two years.
“I am lucky to have a good support system and live-in help. But lack of time is the biggest problem. Sometimes I have to be at different places at the same time. If a child is sick, things can be quite challenging,” she says.
Hailing from Guwahati, Kakoli feels Bengaluru has been kind to her. “I have a good circle of friends who have supported me through the journey, be it sending food home and offering a place to stay for the kids when I need to be away. I’ve never felt like a fish out of water,” she says.
The challenges are many at the workplace. “Flexibility at work and policies inclusive of single parents are the need of the hour,” she says.
Official documentation can be a pain for single mothers. “A little more sensitivity in government procedures would help. Many forms are still archaic,” says Kakoli.
Saritha Suman (name changed on request), a consultant, is separated from her partner, and has been a single parent for three years.
“The biggest challenge I’ve faced is when my son is told that he doesn’t have a normal family. Though he has grandparents (my parents) to take care of him, he is forever told how he is missing out on things in life,” she says.
The discussions take place at family events and birthday parties. “That is why I avoid attending them,” she says.
Sita K M, programme manager with an MNC, has been a single parent for 17 years. “My daughter Pratheksha came to the city seven years ago. My biggest worry was whether I could continue staying in the paying guest accommodation. Thankfully the owners were fine with it,” she says.
She says the city’s ‘free culture’ helped her move on in life. “Some eyebrows were raised, but slowly everyone went back to their own business,” she says.
Many workplaces and clients assume single mothers are difficult to work with.
Sharanya Iyer, architect, has been a single parent to eight-year-old Ikshvah.
“I am lucky to have support from family and friends and the neighbourhood. But it’s a different story with clients who assume I am headstrong and stubborn. When clients get to know that I’m single, they assume things,” she says.
At times, she has to push for work to get done at a site, when workers are slacking off.
“When people come to know about my status, they pass comments,” she says.
Sharanya also finds people taking undue liberties when it comes to casual conversations.
“They are curious and think discussing things with you is okay. When one tries to draw a line or limit conversations, they judge you as being rude,” she observes.
All said and done, Bengaluru is more open to people with different identities, she adds, and things have been easier with every passing year.
Challenges
Prejudiced house owners
Nosy acquaintances
Gender-insensitive forms
School admissions
PTA meetings
Workplace assumptions