BBMP, try a frog couple divorce ritual

Bengaluru city has suffered Rs 336 crore worth of damage, thanks to the unrelenting rains and BBMP’s unrelenting incompetence. Problems of rain are nothing new. From marrying off two frogs to performing sacrifices, umpteen stratagems have been hatched to control rain, though none is as strange or entertaining as the story of Rishya Shringa from the Mahabharata.

A long ago, in the times of the Ramayana, there was a king called Lomapada. He managed to irk Indra, who manages the rains, and—what else—Lomapada’s kingdom was cursed with drought. The sun drank the rivers dry, and frogs croaked from muddy wells. Lomapada ran to his priests for help, and they told him that there was a way, but only one way. If the sage Rishya Shringa were brought to his kingdom, the awesome power of his penance would make it rain the very second that he entered.

Rishya Shringa was a strange chap. He lived in the forest with his father, and had never seen anyone else his whole life, certainly never a woman. Naturally, it was said that this long celibacy had imbued him with incredible powers.

Now, Lomapada consulted great scholars, his ministers, and tacticians of the highest order to brainstorm the course of action. How was Rishya Shringa to be brought from the forest? Finally, the king did the wise thing and put a courtesan on the case. When Rishya Shringa’s father was away, the courtesan went to Rishya Shringa’s hermitage. Rishya Shringa was awestruck by her beauty and wondered who this man was (remember, he didn’t know of the existence of women) and thought the stranger’s beauty must be the result of great penance. He offered the courtesan fruits from the forest and tried to be hospitable, but she told him that her customs were different. She gave him delicious fruits and made him drink wine, which made his head spin. Rishya Shringa was amazed. What was this wonderful new ritual? How had he never heard of it? He asked her to do as she wished with him. She embraced him, kissed him, and then went away, leaving an utterly love-lorn Rishya Shringa without an inkling what had happened to him, or who “he” was.

The father came back, saw his son strangely distracted, enquired what the matter was. Rishya Shringa described the new ascetic who had visited their hermitage: “He glowed with a divine radiance, and even his hair was fragrant. He had beautiful eyes and was full of curves. He gave me some water that tasted incredible and then I felt the ground sway beneath me. He follows very different rituals than we do, and his sacred vow involved placing his mouth on mine. I am miserable without him and filled with longing. Father, what is this sacred vow he follows? I think I like his better than ours. I’m going to go with him and take up his vows instead of mine”.

The father was horrified and told his son that “he” was a demon trying to distract him from his penance. Nevertheless, Rishya Shringa ran away to Lomapada’s kingdom with “him”. Then came the rains. Finally, the king’s daughter married Rishya Shringa, the king gave plenty of gifts to the father, and everyone lived happily.

We have now established from the Mahabharata that bringing a young man, one who is innocent regarding women, from the outskirts into the city brings rain. Surely, it stands to reason that the opposite takes rain away. Having no hope in BBMP’s sudden reformation, I was quite prepared to enact this ritual: find a suitable young man in the city, banish him to the outskirts, etc. Then I realised that we are already doing it: we built Electronics City and banished thousands of young men, all mostly clueless about women. Maybe we should try filing divorce proceedings for a frog couple...