Lessons from epic elopements

Weddings seem to be in the news, what with Sachin Tendulkar’s son getting married, and the pictures of Rashmika Mandanna and Vijay Devarakonda’s wedding ceremony being impossible to miss even if you live under a rock. At the same time, we have news from Gujarat that registering marriages may soon involve parents having to be informed. This had me thinking – what if parental consent was required in epic and puranic times?

The funny thing about this parental consent rule is that some of the most celebrated weddings in the best-known Sanskrit scriptures happened without formal familial consent. It is usually not indulgent parents who are opposed to their child’s choice of partner in the epics, but the elder brothers in charge who have some political alliance of their own in mind. Balarama, for instance, wished for his sister Subhadra to marry Duryodhana, who was his disciple. Subhadra, however, was in love with Arjuna, who also fell in love with her at first sight. Krishna supported Arjuna and suggested he ‘kidnap’ her before Balarama could arrange her wedding. After Arjuna had taken Subhadra away, Krishna managed to pacify Balarama and convince him it was a good thing. But why even go so far as Subhadra and Arjuna?

Just think about the nuptials of Krishna and Rukmini. Rukmini was the princess of Vidarbha and the daughter of King Bhishmaka. Rukmini’s parents didn’t mind Krishna, true, but it was her brother, Rukmi, who made all the important decisions. And he detested Krishna. He had arranged her wedding to his friend Shishupala. Rukmini, meanwhile, was far from happy at the thought of marrying Shishupala. She secretly, without parental consent (gasp!), wrote Krishna a letter saying, among other things: “I have offered my whole being to you. I have chosen you as my husband. Please don’t permit Shishupala to touch what is yours, as a jackal would the feast that belongs to the lion.”

On receiving her letter, Krishna confessed to the brahmin who had brought him the message: “Just as she loves me, my heart too is filled with her. I cannot even sleep at night, thinking of her.” After promising to abduct Rukmini away from her family, Krishna immediately set out for Vidarbha. Balarama, who was supportive of Krishna, set out with an army to counter the kings, who, led by Rukmi, were standing at the ready to attack Krishna. As Rukmini finished her worship at the temple of Gauri and stood outside, Krishna arrived, drew her close, and lifted her onto his chariot. Rukmini’s brother was so opposed to this particular matrimonial alliance that he chased the couple, attacking Krishna and swearing an oath that he would not enter his city again without killing Krishna in battle and bringing Rukmini back. And what happened then? Clearly, Rukmi could not kill Krishna or bring Rukmini back, and because of his foolish vow, he had to construct a whole new city on the outskirts of his earlier city and take up residence there.

Krishna and Rukmini proceeded to Dwaraka without any of Rukmini’s relatives. But how were they to solemnise the wedding without the parents or relatives of the bride? This episode has inspired Sanskrit poets to no end, with some telling us how some Yadavas switched sides in the wedding ceremony and decided to attend as Rukmini’s family!

But this story is not new, is it? Because Rukmini is known to be the incarnation of Lakshmi, the goddess of fortune and auspiciousness, this story of kidnapping without parental consent is said to be so auspicious that hearing the story wards off any obstacles to marriage today, and people arrange for discourses on this section of the Bhagavatapurana. In a country where “honour killings” are still a thing, adults who are marrying outside their caste, community, or religion have enough problems without our intervention in the name of protecting women. If even the puranas could celebrate eloping couples, surely today we can allow adults to choose without the government summoning their parents.

The writer is the author of How to Love in Sanskrit and likes writing new things about very old things.

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are the author's own. They do not necessarily reflect the views of DH.