The silence of the lambs

The demonic killing of Shraddha Walkar is yet another chilling reminder of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) that foreshadows some of the major moral concerns of our society. A society in which the woman is marked both by the kind of bleak continuity that Shakespeare’s Macbeth experiences as his doom approaches, “numbers of tomorrows just all in a line, that, all seem very fierce and cruel”; and the processes of technological change, represented by online dating sites and rampant digital social media.

The ache a woman feels, although she cannot articulate it fully, derives from the recognition that although progress is a reality, even in the bustling metropolises of Mumbai or Delhi of 21st-century India, it will not bring about a manifest improvement in her life. The rapid social change denies the woman real opportunities to advance, other than surrendering to the will of her male suitors, and it fails to offer a clear set of moral values that would help her to contend with such change.

The tragic case of Walkar presents all elements of the moral crisis that is overtaking our society. Consider the following: they meet through an impersonal dating platform, she walks out on her parents against their best advice, they enter into a live-in relationship, the live-in partner apparently has substance abuse problems, she has little choice -- either suffer victimhood, or walk out -- and she chooses to stay.

Thereby hangs a morality tale: Whichever way you look at what happened, this ghastly, horrific murder is symptomatic of a deeper malaise. It sets out the idea of a society in which traditional morality appears no longer meaningful and effective but sits as mute witness alongside a socially legitimised amoral self-aggrandisement with no clear demarcation between the realms in which these moralities operate.

The result is that the youth do not have a moral compass to guide their actions with reference to conceptions of the self, family, and managing interpersonal relationships. This is exacerbated by the problem of widespread substance abuse, resulting in precipitous moral decline, driving the youth to extreme violence and crime, with no fear of the law.

The silence of the lambs is an apt metaphor for the condition peculiar to our times. So many voices and pens are discussing intellectual topics, yet, there is one need -- a profound hiatus -- that no mind seems to perceive and no voice seeks to articulate; the loss of moral character in our social relationships. Consider the growing depravity of the youth: the flippancy, tepid amours, weak fidelity, and small aims that define so-called young and fashionable life in India. The peer pressure of friends is so powerful that a young adolescent more likely seeks the approval of friends, defying the advice of parents; failing to recognise that family is the only true friend that has your best interests at heart. This society-wide crisis must be taken seriously because more than half of India’s population is under 25 years of age. It is crucial to restore to them a moral compass that can guide their actions: to bond with the family, be self-aware, manage interpersonal relations, choose good friends and, above all, make conscious choices for their own safety and happiness.

How might we respond to this moral hollowness that characterises our modern society?

First, there is need for a structured, sustained, and widespread programme to prevent Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in dating relationships, and for interventions with couples experiencing IPV. A paradigm shift is necessary to focus on the role of dyadic interactions in the production of violence, highlighting the importance of addressing risk factors for IPV perpetration in both members of the romantic dyad. It is necessary to advance a programme of instruction in our high schools and colleges specifically addressing adolescents – both boys and girls -- to help them understand what constitutes a healthy romantic relationship. The aim should be to foster awareness of the risks in inter-personal relations that can guide their choices and actions, and help them define their relationships through non-negotiable principles: belief in nonviolent conflict resolution; effective communication skills; the ability to negotiate and adjust to stress; belief in the partner’s right to autonomy; shared decision-making; and trust in the family. The emphasis on a dyadic response is because IPV is seldom one-sided behaviour; it is most times bidirectional.

Second, it is important to recognise that prevention is likely to be more effective than criminal justice interventions or victim rehabilitation, as these occur after violent conflict management and dominance strategies have solidified over time. Early prevention and intervention efforts through school education to create awareness, enhance advocacy, and foster coordinated action will also help improve the overall stability of households and the well-being of children by enhancing communication and interaction within families.

Ideally, a universal prevention programme should be introduced in all schools to reach out to the 12 to 16-year-old youth to build skills prior to their experience of relationships and possible violence. It is essential to address both individual and relationship risk factors. Including a focus on psychological violence is necessary because it is extraordinarily common in young people’s romantic relationships, and is one of the most robust predictors of IPV perpetration in the future. Qualified and trained counsellors at schools can be of enormous help.

Third, special attention must be given to understand the relationship between alcohol use, substance abuse, and IPV perpetration and victimisation. Most of the recent cases of murders point to significant substance abuse associated with dating violence perpetration in adolescence, and that this association increased as levels of family conflict and friend-involvement in dating violence increased.

Our collective response must be based on empirical evidence from the etiology and pattern of IPV that has emerged. The Walkar case should serve as a cautionary tale, and make young people return to immutable family values. A good beginning will be to acknowledge that, more often than not, family is your best friend, philosopher, and guide.

(The writer is Director, Public Affairs Centre, Bengaluru)