My body, your choice: Does a woman’s consent mean anything, anymore?

On a serene winter morning in Bastar, a tribal area in Central India, a woman reached out to her sister-in-law in severe abdominal pain. Her husband, a 40-year-old driver, had left for work after a ‘forceful sexual intercourse,’ she shared, during which he had inserted his hand up her anus.

The autopsy revealed the horrors her body had endured – life-threatening inflammation of the tissue lining her abdominal cavity and multiple perforations of the rectum – a betrayal so violent even the hospital couldn’t save her. Half a continent away in the postcard-perfect town of Avignon, France, Gisèle Pelicot, a 72-year-old retiree awoke to a different nightmare. Her husband had been drugging her for almost a decade and while she lay powerless and unaware, had invited dozens of male strangers to rape her.

Two women, two continents, and one truth – their consent was stolen or dismissed as an inconvenience.

Consent to sex, the bedrock of personal autonomy, once a rallying cry for empowerment, finds itself under siege. We lack a unified understanding on what sexual consent truly entails, how it is communicated, and if it’s a necessary element of intimate interactions. Recently, in a landmark ruling, the European Court of Human Rights affirmed that consent is essential within marriage. In countries like India and about twenty others, while many may uphold the principle that “no means no,” a woman’s consent to sex within marriage is deemed irrelevant by law.

These recent events raise critical questions regarding the significance of sexual consent for women’s health and their roles as partners and parents. Once married, are women indefinitely acquiescing to various sexual acts and their consequences? If husbands are not required to seek their wives’ consent for sex, does this make men custodians of their wives in India? Although marriage is commonly viewed as a safe haven in India, are we instead conditioning daughters to tolerate situations that may make them more vulnerable to poor health and violence than their unmarried peers?

This historical erosion of consent is illustrated in Draupadi’s tale from the Mahabharata. During a rigged game of dice between the Pandavas and the Kauravas, Yudhishthira, the eldest Pandava, gambled away wealth, weapons, his lands, and soon his wife, Queen Draupadi. She was dragged from her quarters while menstruating and clothed only in a single garment, and disrobed in front of a leering public. In her despair, Draupadi prayed for a miracle. To everyone’s astonishment, her garment proved to be endless, preserving her modesty.

The public assault of Draupadi is a reminder of the dire consequences of a culture that privileges male dominance over female autonomy. As male entitlement rises, female consent diminishes as it shapes relationships with: Entitlement: Some men may feel owed sex or affection from women in exchange for dates, leading to coercion or frustration when denied; Possessiveness: Male control over women’s choices – their clothes, people they associate with – becomes normalised; Power Differential: When men may see “no” as a challenge, women hesitate to set boundaries due to fears of potential backlash.

Research indicates that individuals exposed to forced intercourse experience severe long-term depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), health complications, lack decision-making of contraception, and exhibit greater risk of job loss due to absenteeism. Men, especially those from religious, sexual, and ethnic minorities, can also be victims although women are at a significantly greater risk of experiencing non-consensual sexual activity.

What of the countless women who must wake up each day to the knowledge that their “no” is inconsequential?When a nation’s legal framework dismisses a woman’s “no” as irrelevant within marriage, using justifications like “She’s your wife” or “Sex is a private matter,” it grants violators the power to infringe on women’s rights. Moreover, itreduces intimacy to a mechanical series of duty and disavows its responsibility for the well-being of half its populace.

When we view intimate relationships as unspoken contracts of submission, we risk undermining trust – the ability to express our needs without feeling pressured and our partner’s capacity to understand those needs accurately. Sex, an experience involving vulnerabilities, requires that mutual pleasure respects each person’s dignity and understanding. Couples today have a variety of sexual behaviours, sexual acts with varying intensity and alliances available to them which raises the need for ongoing consent. True consent is an active and ongoing willingness where unless explicitly agreed, a ‘no’ ought to hold as much weight as a ‘yes.’

If female consent is to hold any meaning, women’s boundaries – whether in personal relationships, families, or cultural contexts – must be respected, not just when it is convenient. In this month as we celebrate women’s achievements globally, let us ensure that the sentiment – My body, my choice – nurtures a world where every woman feels valued, heard, and empowered.