Coping when one is made to feel left out

A few days ago, a young child in the family felt upset that his friend did not pass the ball to him during a football game. He naturally felt left out and perhaps ignored. Some reassurance from the parents and a few cuddles later, he felt better equipped to take on these “slights”.

When I heard about this, I felt that for a child his age, peer approval is all-important. At the same time, I realised that this was a great opportunity to help him learn some life lessons.

That his self-worth is not defined by the actions of his schoolmate. That it is okay to not be part of a group at times. You don’t really have to belong all the time. That we were glad he realised the importance of functioning in a cohesive manner when one is part of a team. That you may not like or get along famously with every member of the team but you can and should be civil and cooperative during activity and achieve a harmonious, working relationship.

Today corporates talk about diversity and inclusion. We are taught team spirit in sports – and cautioned that a team can fail and flounder if one link in the chain is weak or does not respect the teammates. We only have to observe a colony of ants to draw some lessons. Ants are disciplined and supportive of each other while sharing the load or the spoils.

No five fingers are the same, yet they each have a purpose. Likewise, we come from different backgrounds, different milieus, holding different beliefs, value systems and carrying different emotional baggage. This gets reflected in our actions. We need to remind ourselves that we are all fellow human beings who are sometimes mutually dependent. There will always be people who play foul or discriminate.

While it helps to be forgiving and not cross swords, one can always stand one’s ground and speak up when being roughshod.

By continuing to play well, the child will be noticed and rewarded with opportunities to prove himself. Since children learn by example and model their behaviours, parents too have a key role in the kind of messages being subconsciously sent out.

A thoughtless act on the part of one child thus triggered important lessons for life.