Your constant companion

How can someone be lonely when they are with people?

You go on an outing with family or just hang out with friends. You smile. You laugh. You exchange words on silly topics. And your friends/family think that you’re having a wonderful time. But, little do they know that within — deep inside your heart and mind where no one but you can perceive — a little ball of solitude is ever-present.

And it has its tentacles entwined around your emotions as strongly as ever. Never letting you feel within what you appear to express without. Your true companion — always there inside you.

No one is born with solitude as their partner. However, given life’s idiosyncrasies and quirks, it takes seed in those unfortunate few. And, once the seed is sown, it is all but impossible to stop it from taking root and growing. And, you start feeling the effects soon enough. A friend may call you to join him/her for a movie or lunch, and you think — do I really want to go? Or would I prefer being by myself just this one time?

If the answer is the latter, the battle is over. And loneliness has won. That one ‘no, how about a raincheck?’ becomes more regular, and you start refusing quite a few invitations. After all, being by yourself is preferable, right? Unfortunately, by the time you realise that no one is an island, that no one can lead a solitary reaper’s life, it is late for you. Too late.

You try and jump back into social activities. Dinners, movies... you are game for anything. And you do go on some outings. However, your best friend — solitude — goes along with you. And does not abandon you ever. There you are, surrounded by close friends, and yet a voice gently whispers in your ear — perhaps it’s time to be alone. You go for Hollywood’s latest blockbuster with your family, and that same little voice whispers — we could have watched this at home. You and I.

And one day, you give up and accept that you only have one constant companion in this world. And that is the road to darkness.