Better to have loved and lost...

It starts off as a crush. The adrenaline rush follows. Suddenly, but surely, we are on a constant high. It is fascinating to be struck by the cupid arrow. Yet when the pursuit of love has been successfully accomplished, what do we do with it when we get it? Once the sheen of youthful romance wanes and calls for a lasting promise does love continue to be just as charming and enticing? Or does it become tiresome and a burden to carry on with unceasing constancy and commitment?

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, these questions surfaced in my mind. Whichever way the pendulum would swing, I reckoned that ultimately the pointer is always towards love. For, psychology claims that the innate need for a human being is to love and to be loved. At the core, we are all social beings. We need each other. We must take care of each other and allow others to take care of us. This basic desire to connect with another is what drives us also to commit ourselves to the other. In keeping with this basic nature, we fall in line and dare to take another for “better or for worse, in sickness or health, until death us do part.” Love thus culminating in a commitment is always a decision, one that desires to experience life in all its seasons, in a life-long companionship with one chosen person.

Contrary to what it seems, love is not a momentary or an impulsive feeling. It is a choice to care for another despite not knowing what could become of that choice. Yet, the amazing outcome of the choice is that it multiplies our happiness, divides our burdens and leads us to a meaningful companionship to live life together in ways that will be fulfilling and liberating. By choosing to rough it out together in spite of differences and conflicts the journey of life unfolds into an adventure we rather not experience alone without a significant other to share it with.

It is a fact that love can also enhance our well-being and optimism. We are most alive when we are in love. Love acts as a natural defense to face life’s troubles with fortitude. And yet, we know just as plainly that it takes a life time’s work to live daily the love that is professed over a romantic Valentine’s Day celebration. For, beneath the surface of romance, the spirit of love has to be dug out just as a fossil of great value submerged deep in the ground would have to be excavated. The digging calls for determination and the humane tools of patience, kindness and empathy. With these tools dwindling in the modern era, has it become a daunting task to the younger generation of our times to really endure in love?

Going by the current dipping marriage rates it appears that presently love that demands commitment could be losing its lustre. A permanent pledge such as marriage is seen both as restricting and boring. However if one appreciates the truth that anything worthwhile takes time and effort, perhaps then it becomes obvious that long term commitment though a life-long work, is worth investing in. Besides, anything of significance always begins with an intention and a promise and seldom with guarantees or certainties.

Yet again, commitments often come with expectations from both partners. We want our relationships to be a perfect blend of excitement, stability, fulfilment and harmony. However, no one person can meet all of our expectations all the time. No one person can be everything for another. We need to have a wider circle of friends, an extended family, worthy hobbies and deeper interests from which we can get additional support to lessen the expectations we have from our partners. And all we can do, even the best of us, is to try constantly and sincerely. As we try and live the day-in and day-out of our love through simple acts of service and tolerance to our partners, families and others, we will also unearth the rewards of love in sublime ways. The rewards will usher in a life that embodies the values that make us humans. It will create a happier world. It will make us stronger and our life’s journey lighter. But even if all of this theory is not convincing enough for the contemporary world, we will do well to remember that, “it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”