The name is Bond... Electoral Bond

For those who get their adrenalin surge from Ian Fleming’s character saying, “The name is Bond, James Bond,” it might be time to move on. There is a new buzz phrase in town and all the Bond Fekus right up to Daniel Craig would probably have to go scurrying when they hear the power behind the words, “The name is Bond, Electoral Bond.”

Bond fans may argue about how their favourite hero has access to the fanciest of gadgets and cars that can indulge in gravity-defying pyrotechnics. But none of them has ever been shown to own a Maybach whose tyres are bomb-proof, the body and windows bullet-proof and the fuel guard possessing safeguards that can prevent oil leakages from damaging the vehicle. It can travel even up to 50 kms, in case of a puncture or a blast and has a built-in air freshener that can protect the occupants from chemical or gas attacks.

So, eat your heart out, Q - bet you never could come up with something so smart. The most interesting thing about the car is that can totally undergo a name change because of the person sitting inside and is now called Mai-Baap India, thus totally turning it into a 100% Make-in-India project.

Whilst James, the original Bond has had to use his brawn, brains and charms to outwit his opponents, it has always been a transparent process. But the Electoral Bond is a whole new ball game in its sheer opacity. Being transparent need no longer be a virtue, for, in opacity, there lies mystery, imagination and power — the power to turn black into white — in other words, whitewash.

According to the new rules of the Electoral Bond, no RTI is applicable and no one can be privy to the names of the contributions, nor the amounts given and even less so, the beneficiaries. This means that a high net worth individual can be given amnesty for unaccounted wealth if he donates to the Electoral Bonds, whilst the ordinary citizen of the country will be blasted with reminders from the IT Department if she has delayed in filing her annual returns. So basically, the Electoral Bond determines that what is sauce for the goose need not necessarily be sauce for the gander.

The Electoral Bonds are so powerful that they can ensure glowing publicity on the front pages of newspapers and on television channels too, where sold-out anchors are now in complete ‘Bond-age’ to the one and only cause. This gets even more complicated when these media companies are owned by big business houses, which have investments that are in need of official permission from the government. So one could probably rename the Electoral Bond as the ‘Merry-go-Round’ Bond, as the contributor becomes the beneficiary and the beneficiary becomes the contributor, and so it goes round and round and round, with all the cash staying with one set of people, whilst the poor get poorer and the rest scramble to make a living and pay their taxes and try to live decent, honest lives, to the best of their ability.

The opacity of the Electoral Bond also has other benefits — the ability to use the carrot or the stick on anybody who is an obstruction. If the carrot does not work, then the stick should definitely do the trick. The various permutations and combinations of the English alphabet in the form of the CBI, the ED, the NB et. al. will have the individual so harassed that he might need a whole new legalese, to get out of the mess.

The power of the Electoral Bond can also ensure a new crop of Make-in-India builders and architects who are giving India a new look and image, whilst the world looks on in sheer disbelief. Make way, Lutyens Delhi, here comes the new Vista, all ready to celebrate the Azaadi ka Amrit Mahotsav. Who knows how long we may have to wait whilst the poison oozes or spurts out in the process of the Samudra Manthan?

In the meanwhile, skulk away James Bond. We are all shaken and stirred because the new Bond is here.