Hospital humour

As a visitor to a hospital, it’s easy to be cheerful and say, “he took a turn for the nurse” (instead of worse) but it’s hard to find humour when you are a patient. During my recent hospitalisation, friends and relatives forwarded messages and songs to uplift my spirits. Sometimes, these did just the opposite. For instance, there was a melodious song expressing gratitude for the life lived, just in case that was it for me! Not funny then, but now, I laugh at the incongruity.

I requested the housekeeping-in-charge to buy me chocolate to satiate my sweet tooth. When I saw the pencil-like chocolate that he’d bought, I was shocked! I was used to eating big slabs of chocolate at one go! When he asked if he could buy me another pencil, I almost rolled over with laughter.

The doctor was coming in the afternoon for his rounds so I thought of sprucing up a bit before he came. Just as I approached the sink to wash my face I heard a buzzing sound behind me. From the corner of my eye, I saw a huge bumblebee. I ran out of the bathroom and requested the ayah to shoo it away. She said she couldn't till she donned her protective gear. Summoning up courage, I managed to push it out of the ventilator with a rolled-up newspaper. Just then the doctor entered and asked what the buzz was about. He looked perplexed when I said “bumblebee.” Coincidentally that evening my grandson called and said that he made a robot bee in his robotics class. When I told him about the bee in the hospital bathroom, he cutely asked, “a real one, Ajji?”

To keep us physically active we had to walk in half-hour stints before and after meals. I missed the after-dinner walk as I had to go for a CT scan. When I returned to the ward at 10 pm, a vigilant nurse said, “walk.” I thought “at this time?” But she did not concede. I came up with more excuses, complaining of a pain in my leg. She retorted that all that was happening because I didn’t walk and that my muscles had become stiff! I lost the argument.

For some inexplicable reason, I used to feel very hungry in hospital. I blamed the hunger pangs on the strong medication and used to order a pre-dinner snack from a cafeteria nearby. In case there was a delay I’d make his life miserable by calling umpteen times. On the day of discharge, I thanked him profusely and said that whenever I would come to that side of town I would visit him. Immediately he said, “Let me know when you are coming, I’ll keep your garlic bread ready!” My hospital stay was certainly laced with humour!