We are like that only

When I was eight years old, my mom and I were travelling from Mysuru to Bengaluru by bus. My mom soon discovered that the young man sharing our seat happened to be one of her students. Elated by this happy coincidence, the three of us started chatting. I found the guy to be congenial, affectionate towards me (he even bought me a chocolate!) and respectful towards my mom. He soon launched into a soliloquy.

It comprised of his father’s interactions with the son’s various “stepmothers”. My mom and I exchanged a subtle scandalized glance. It appeared that the father had married multiple times, and all the wives in different establishments.

After a while, the student became comfortable enough to switch his tongue to Kannada. It was then that mom and I realized that in the guy’s parlance, “stepmother” meant aunt! He had, all the while been referring to his Chikammas and doddammas!

As someone who began schooling in a vernacular school, I too wasn’t familiar with the English language for the first few years of my life. In all sincerity, I was convinced that the term “horoscope” was actually “horrorscope”. My mum laughingly remarked that my version of the term would indeed hold well if the astrological forecast was a negative one!

When I was 17 years old, a friend and I were having a discussion on “dignity of labour”. I observed that while the concept held some value in the West, it sadly didn’t in India.

“Absolutely”, said my friend in zestful agreement, “it would be shameful if someone expected me to socialize with a sweeper!”

I muttered an inward “Oh no!” and quickly changed the topic.

There have been many situations which have left me and the other (often, highly educated) party red-faced after I became a ghostwriter. Comments like, “Whoa, I’m frightened of ghosts”, “that’s so cool, I too am into horror” and, “Now lady, you’re spooking me” are an everyday occurrence. With great discomfort, I’ve had to explain to my fellow conversationalist that ghost-writing, in fact, has nothing to do with the paranormal; unfortunately, it is writing for a big name while foregoing all credit, unabashedly for monetary gains.

Undoubtedly, a career is one of the most important things in most people’s lives. Many an educated and successful Indian has no qualms about spelling it as “carrier”. This is hilarious, considering one’s professional graph has nothing to do with tiffin boxes, transport vehicles or, as a friend pointed out, an AC brand!

The above are just a few examples. We Indians are also adept at asking people’s “good name”, “passing out of universities” and requesting folks to “prepone appointments”. However, I don’t mind at all. After all, we are like this only.