Carry on Jeeves, with tea, not coffee

Carry on Jeeves, with tea, not coffee

Jeeves floated into the bedroom like a healing zephyr, carrying a tray. “Good, morning, sir. Your morning coffee. Recently brewed from recently ground premium seeds and drawn through an authentic brass filter, sir; the beverage many Tamils quaff early in the morning failing which their heads would split into two.”

“Like coconuts, Jeeves?” “Precisely, sir. At times several pieces.”

I’m bound to say I was not entirely at my ease. “Drink coffee instead of tea? Prepos... What is the word, Jeeves?”

“Preposterous, sir, meaning, absurd or ridiculous. Your aunt, lady Worplesdon told me to wean you off from tea and caffeinate you, sir.”

“Holy smoke! Is Aunt Agatha not a sworn tea addict?”

“Not anymore, sir. But I am unable to advance any tenable reason for the volte face, sir. It seems the ladyship is planning to join an anti-tea league and pour kettles of hot tea into Thames, sir. Sort of a pseudo Boston Tea party. The league has fallen hook link and sinker to the findings of a dubious German research that tea cuts down longevity affecting kidney and liver.” 

A fortnight later, Jeeves floated into my room. “Tell me, Jeeves, who said the cries of today is the joke of tomorrow?”

“H G Wells, sir, a prolific writer in many genres. But it is not ‘cries’. It is ‘crisis’, sir. He also said, ‘if you fell down yesterday. Stand up today.’”

“Indeed? Tell me, Jeeves, how did Aunt Agatha rescind her diktat on tea? Did you make her read any tea leaves at the bottom of a tea pot?”

“No sir. It is some story, sir, involving intrigues and deployment of subtle but wily methods in prevention of buying roaring businesses going up for sale, sir. It appears Lord Worplesdon was contemplating purchase of a prime tea estate in Darjeeling in India from a British tea painter. But an avid contender, from London, an Earl, who shall remain nameless, unbeknownst to your aunt and uncle, started an anti-tea league, so your Ladyship would prevent his Lordship from investing huge money in tea.’

“Indeed, Jeeves? I am astounded.”

“Last week I made your ladyship privy to the Earl’s stratagem. As a clincher, I served her two cups, one of the strongest coffee. And a cup of the best Darjeeling tea. Her ladyship could not go beyond the first sip of coffee, sir, thanks to her tea ingested system. She switched over to tea. Mercifully coffee is out of our flat as well, sir. The mist has lifted. The sun is up. Birds are singing. May I bring your tea, sir.”

“Most decidedly, Jeeves.”

Get a round-up of the day's top stories in your inbox

Check out all newsletters

Get a round-up of the day's top stories in your inbox