Ghosh’s golden words

Cows

No-one had associated cows with gold except when they were gifted with their horns covered with gold or given away along with gold coins by kings of yore on occasions like assumption or abdication of power or victories over enemies. But now, we know that they move with gold, not just as adornment or accompaniment, but copiously producing it. They are, in fact, factories or refineries of gold that do not dry up, readily giving it away to anyone with the milk, without charging and demanding any money. This secret knowledge has remained hidden from the world all these centuries but has now been revealed by a great savant, Dilip Ghosh, who heads the BJP in West Bengal. He should know, because an ancient namesake of his, a king of the great Raghu lineage, had tended the celestial cow Nandini, and gained much from his devotion. But for it there would have been no Ram, no Rajya and no temple.

Dilip Ghosh’s theory is that the humps of Indian cows have a golden artery which produces gold when sunlight falls on it. The gold goes into the milk, giving it the yellowish tinge and making it the complete food. But only the Indian cows have this built-in alchemist lab in the body for some reason, which perhaps other knowledgeable leaders in the party may be able to explain. After all, there are many of them who are well-versed in the country’s great scientific traditions like plastic surgery and artificial insemination. The annual meetings of the Indian Science Congress regularly see many such claims. The latest one in January this year in Punjab heard a university vice-chancellor claiming that ancient India has developed guided missile technology. Another researcher rejected the theories of Newton and Einstein and wanted gravitational waves to be renamed as Narendra Modi waves.   

Dilip Ghosh has not explained if gold can be extracted from milk on an industrial scale so that we can stop its imports. He has, in any case, defended his theory and said it has been proved by research in countries like Poland and the US. If the theory is correct, we have one more reason against cow slaughter. A foolish farmer killed his goose that laid golden eggs. Wise Indians should not kill the cow that gives the golden milk. Ghosh’s name, according to many reports, has been proposed for the Nobel Prize, but he may not get it because there are more deserving people within his party for that honour. These are great times for the country. But we do not know if our public life and science forums are theatres of tragedy or comedy. 

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