The limits of circumstance, the endurance of values

Recently, at a social event, someone was heard saying, “Last Sunday, I had a severe showdown with my servant due to her shoddy working style for not showing up for several days without prior notice. Compounding my agony was my callous chauffeur, who coolly quit, despite having been cocooned in comforts here. It is simply because of such folks that I am springing into splenetic moods, being short-fused always. After all, we are the agglomerated product of awful circumstances, right?”

This statement had set me into some serious contemplation. Yes, often we rationalise our not-so-remarkable traits as being the ‘result’ of people’s supposedly repulsive actions. Apparently, we are adept at justifying, having amply aced that art.

Sample this: “Always on anger bouts with an affinity for arguments?” Our response – “Well, that is all due to the atrocious atmosphere at the workplace." "Machinating and meanly manipulative?” “Yeah, it is mainly because of malicious folks everywhere." “Skinflint, and not spending even a single penny on others?" “It is my terribly miserly associates, truly triggering that tight-fisted trait in me.”

Here, I am reminded of a collegemate who had this composed persona, with a caring and convivial attitude. Call it a freakish fate, while in her feisty teens, she fell prey to a fire accident, the fallout of which left scars near her face. Even more ghastly was having to lose her grown-up daughter in a gruesome incident. 

Recently, upon requiring some information, I reached out to her. She was her usual unflappable self, unfailingly answering my umpteen queries with her unmitigated patience and unqualified helping attitude. Despite the dreadful tragedy, she had doggedly gone about doing her duties with dollops of diligence. And there was not a dot of disgust displayed at the dreadful vicissitudes of life. 

As our chat ended, I was rather enlightened about this exquisite human aspect – the external factors, especially the extreme evil ones, to an extent, can exert an impact on us. But, whatsoever, it cannot erase/extinguish one’s embedded qualities or entrenched values with which one is born. 

There is truth in the Malayalam dictum – Chottayile sheelam chudala vare (habits from the cradle to the grave). Meaning, qualities cultivated in childhood get cleaved and carried till the cremation ground.  

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are the author's own. They do not necessarily reflect the views of DH.