The quiet love in women's friendships

The idea that women can share a deep, sustaining bond without jealousy or competition often seems like a myth—especially in soaps on Indian television that thrive on narratives built around the trope of women who are mean, jealous, and given to gossip. 

Women may not connect immediately after a first meeting. But with time and trust, short messages turn into long conversations, lengthy voice notes, and hours of video calls. These bonds are forged for life.

Back in my school days, I used to write letters. I still have some of them tucked away in my trunk box as keepsakes.
We poured our hearts out, writing unabashedly about our quotidian routines and venting our feelings. But letter writing wasn’t always that easy; in fact, it took an unlikely turn. 

A friend of mine once wrote a letter and sent it through a classmate. A boy who held a personal vendetta against her saw the opportunity and spread the rumour that it was a love letter. The story quickly caught on, reaching the staff room and the principal’s office, and soon slipped out of her control.

No matter how much she pleaded, no one believed her. Her parents were summoned to the principal’s office. In a small-town school community, it seemed unfathomable that girls could write letters to one another out of pure friendship. All this while, I remained oblivious to the incident, hurt by her silence and the absence of letters. It was only years later, after we reconnected—thanks to social media—that I learned about the entire conundrum surrounding our letter-writing saga.

For girls and women, maintaining friendships wasn’t easy; it was hindered by societal restrictions, and in many small towns, this remains unchanged even today. During my teenage years, one wouldn’t find a single girl loitering in public playgrounds, while young boys routinely spent their evenings after school on local grounds. That said, careers and travels have opened up opportunities for women. They now have greater access to spaces where they can connect with like-minded individuals through open mics, community reading spaces, workshops, or even women-only travel groups, not to mention the recently noted women-only divorcee group from Kerala that gained BBC attention.

What draws women together is their shared realities and struggles. Despite living in different cities or countries, women hold space for their best female friends—be it for relationship advice, toxic workspaces, or family trauma. These friendships offer a safe space to be vulnerable, without the fear of being misunderstood.  

For many women, their long-cherished friendships fade as they shrink themselves into their homes, submitting to the unending needs of their families. When middle age hits, and children outgrow their need for constant care, these friendships, if sustained, can continue to hold a safe and loving space. 

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are the author's own. They do not necessarily reflect the views of DH.