Why seeking forgiveness is a struggle

The one word that can repair a relationship when a harsh word has been uttered or a precious object broken, a project ruined or a charge made wrongfully is ‘sorry’. Yet this is so difficult to utter for most people. For them it is a matter of admitting they were wrong and swallowing their pride and ego—qualities that a human being must eschew—and the mortal fear of appearing “small” and diminished in front of others—younger or in a subordinate position or whatever. Only those who have apologised promptly and sincerely can explain the difference it makes and how much it actually enhances a person’s image and esteem in the eyes of the others. Apart from being timely, if articulated with sincerity and meaning and the intention of not repeating such a lapse, it is even better.

True, we all slip up now and then – we say things in the heat of the moment, we are quick to fix the blame, we project our baggage onto some hapless soul, but the least that we can do is offer a heartfelt apology.

While it is common to overreact sharply to imagined insults, we would do well to remember that even the one playing the victim has hurt others on occasions. What is dented is the ego, and with practice one can learn not to let the ego trigger a bigger confrontation. It is not that one has to lump insults. One can choose to handle the same with a degree of grace and knowing where it is all coming from and what it will lead to.

Even if we walk into a store or restaurant and ask for or order something that is unavailable, the sales staff respond, saying, “Sorry,
this is not available, but we can make
a note of this request or offer you
something else.”

It is the same between us and God. In Mahabharata, Arjuna apologises to Krishna for doubting his words of advice and treating him more like a cousin rather than a guru on several occasions.

Whenever Hindus perform a havan or pooja or parikrama (circumambulations around a temple), forgiveness is sought for mistakes committed knowingly or unknowingly during the conduct of the ritual, for causing harm to nature, her bounty and God’s beings, and for using chants for the same. Seeking forgiveness should never be such a struggle.