'Now I understand how it feels to be stigmatised'

By Sudha Kallakuri

The coronavirus pandemic has created much panic worldwide. Returning to India from Australia on March 21 was nothing short of an emotional roller coaster. I had to cut short my planned stay in Australia for my PhD and was stressed about the implications on my candidature. However, my supervisors completely supported my decision to return to India.

With the rapid changes around me, I was constantly on the laptop, checking for any official announcement with implications for my travel. At the airport, I saw so many faces reflecting my own emotions of stress, uncertainty and helpless but above all, an eagerness to get back family and loved ones.

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I was worried about getting to Hyderabad safely but had so many other concerns: “What if I contract the infection during the flight, at the airport or in the cab? What if I already have the infection? Will I be able to avoid spreading this disease in my family?”

These thoughts haunted me throughout the long flight. The Delhi airport was filled with people, because of the travel restrictions that were set to begin the next day.

There, I spent almost 12 hours waiting to complete the immigration and health screening process, with no food, no idea on how long it would take, and constant fear of contracting the infection due to so many strangers present around me.

A new stamp!

Finally, early next morning, I got through the screening process and was recommended for home quarantine. They even stamped my hand with a sign that said: ‘Home Quarantine’.

It took me a while to accept the stamp because I knew people would see it, and I wondered how they would behave towards me. But then I was relieved that I was going to come home and that nothing was going to stop me.

I was very fortunate to have a very big support system of family and friends during this journey.

I live in an apartment complex of around 200 flats and reaching home, I was mentally prepared to be locked up for 15 days. I had already asked my kids and my husband to stay elsewhere during this period. However, I was equally worried about my parents who were staying with me in the same house.

I started the first day of isolation trying to keep myself engaged. I got onto my laptop and connected with friends, who gave me strength and support.

I thought getting through the 15 days would be a breeze, but I was wrong.

My parents kept getting calls from other residents in the apartments, who said they were concerned about the open balcony door in my room, and asked that I not step out there. People asked my father why he was leaving home so many times, and that he wasn't allowed to go downstairs to buy essential commodities.

I thought “Are these the same people who were so close to me and considered me and my family an important part of their lives?”

Close friends of mine also kept getting calls, to check if I went through a screening process during my travel home, and to know my whereabouts.

Tackling the situation

I decided to address their concerns and wrote a long message in a Whatsapp group, detailing the precautions I was taking and the screening process I went through.

After that, I received messages and calls from other friends, expressing their support. I was overwhelmed with the kind of support I received from people whom I never expected to hear from. That was the day I decided “I will fight against all this negativity around me!”

I started concentrating on my work, planned a daily routine and stuck to it, making sure to include some time to talk to friends and family. Through this, I had the constant support of my colleagues and supervisors.

Through the lockdown, I have also dedicated time for hobbies.

The key thing I have learnt in these few days of self-isolation is that life is not always the same. There will be situations we all will need to face alone, and these situations will make you stronger and teach you discipline and positivity.

I have read a lot of stories about all workers in healthcare, aviation, sanitation, police and others who have gone through similar unnecessary negative treatment from their family, friends and society. This made me firm in my resolve never to behave like this with someone else in the future because I now understand how it feels to be stigmatised.

I consider myself very fortunate and would like to appeal to everyone to think twice before passing judgement or having stigmatising thoughts about someone who is going through difficult times in his or her life.

I completed my 15-day quarantine period on April 5. I strongly urge all of you to please comply with physical distancing but not social distancing!

(Sudha Kallakuri is a Research Fellow at the Mental Health division of George Institute for Global Health and was under mandatory home quarantine after returning to India from Australia)