Raise happier kids through affirmative parenting

Positive statements go a long way in building your child's self-confidence

Parenting is challenging and rewarding all at once, even during the best of times. The last couple of years, however, with a worldwide pandemic raging around us, have amplified both these paradoxical feelings. While we’ve been able to connect with, understand and spend more time with our children, we’ve also had to juggle digital home classrooms during our hours of work, deal with reduced social interaction, and wade through added emotional issues and baggage.

The easiest thing to do is to snap at our kids or be dismissive of them. However, instead of reacting instantly, practising conscious parenting with affirmative phrases may have long-term benefits such as better parent-child communication, mutual self-respect, a feeling of acceptance for your child, and a sense of calm and balance for you.

What are affirmative phrases? They’re positive statements that a parent uses to spark a thought or an idea, allowing the child to modify his or her choices and behavioural patterns through encouragement and motivation instead of fear.

Garima Agarwal of the children’s retail brand Peekaboo Patterns conducts conscious parenting workshops frequently, reiterating the importance of affirmations to create a healthy and loving relationship with one’s child.

One of the affirmative phrases she suggests using is, “I am waiting for you to connect with me mentally, physically and emotionally soon”, instead of the usual “I have told you a hundred times! This is your last warning,” which we tend to use.

Another statement that she thinks needs replacing is, “think outside the box” or “think differently”, often used to bring out the creativity in a child.

“Children usually don’t understand this. Instead, tell them to hold onto their thoughts and use their gift of expression most simply, in the way that they want,” she said.

“Most parents also want to encourage their child to eat healthy, with cliches like ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away,' or ‘you’ll get a tummy pain if you don’t eat your veggies.' A conscious parent would say, ‘The food you eat nourishes not only your body but also your mind and emotions.’ Talking about the benefits of eating, instead of the downsides of not eating, leaves them with the choice to understand why they must choose well.”

Other affirmative phrases like ‘you are loved,’ ‘you are gifted,’ ‘your choices matter,’ ‘you are unique,’ ‘I’m proud of you,’ ‘you can always ask me for help,’ ‘don’t be afraid of making mistakes,’ ‘it’s okay to feel sad or worried,’ or even a simple ‘go out and play now,’ can impact your child’s emotional wellness positively.

Children who hear these phrases through childhood grow up to be adults who are better adjusted, resilient, free of anxiety and stress. They also have lesser self-esteem issues and therefore don’t look for validation from peers.

Remember, children emulate you as well. When you use affirmative phrases, they’re more likely to do the same instead of throwing tantrums around you. Also, children believe what you say – so your words have the power to impact them. Choose what you say wisely.